炎の女　丸谷るみ　大腸癌のため2024年2月8日没す。

　

　私の懼れていたことが起こったのに、その死はあたかも突然の事件のように思われ、私の頭も胸も中で掻き乱している。

家内が死んでしまった。　、、、、、、信じられないのである。ただただ思うのは昨日まで確かに家内と会話を交わしていたのにという怨みだけである。
　
　行く川の流れの如く世の中の移り変わりにつれて人の幸不幸もさまざまなもの、癌と言われたとしても生き抜く人もいるのに、瑠美はそれだけの
定めであったのだ。
　
　死んでしまった家内を思うと、私は躰の中の突っかえ棒が突然に無くなってしまったように生きている今が覚束ない。

2022年（令和4年７月）CTにて検査の結果を消化器外科の松田医師から「肺に癌細胞が沢山散らばっている」と、康に連絡があった。

２０２２年４月２８日〜　　　第２回のXELOXアドバイス療法したが血便なし、マーカーも範囲内数値だが、肺に癌細胞あり、このままだと
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　癌化するので、第３回目の薬をライザムザ療法に変更することになった。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　
２０２２年１２月１６日〜２０２３年４月６日の間に６回で終了、しかし、「しぶとい」と、のことで４月６日にまだ点滴を続けるという。


２０２３年５月２日　　　　　　　清水Dｒ.より腸に癌細胞ありとの事。肺にもガン細胞あり、３０〜４０個。


丸谷るみが残した記録　　「何事においても一つ一つの事例へおろそかにしないといった彼女のの精神がよみとれます」

＊直腸全摘手術前のレントゲン写真　（伊奈胃腸病院）



　2021　　3.22　　直腸手術

　　　　　　4.24〜11.18　　　ゼロ―ダ治療

　2022　　2.　３　　肛門修復手術

　　　　　　7.　8　　マキクリニックの紹介で、救急外来へ、CT,「肺への癌の転移予防のため。

　　　　　　8.　5〜１１.　4　　　抗癌剤点滴、橋本病院で肩から点滴を入れる手術。１回目以降は医大にて、効果なしとの事で、点滴を続ける。

　2022　　12.16　　第３回目の抗癌剤治療開始（ラムシルマブ＋FOLFIRI療法）

　2023　　　１.月２日、２月3日、２月24日、３月17日.　４月7日（2/24，3/17　しびれ、舌に黒班ができ下痢、嘔吐が続く。大層苦しかった。※肺の癌は、小さくなったものもあるが、
　　　　　　大きくなったものもあるので、点滴をやめると、せいぜい２年半と、告げられた。（主人も一緒に）松田氏説明中、пuおい、今度どこへ言ったらええんよ」、、、、、？
　　　　　　　しびれの原因は、１月2日に使った「エルプラット」の副作用。下痢は２月３日の「カンプト」が原因だと聞いた。

　2023　　第３回目の抗癌剤治療終了時に清水Dr.の説明で、治験を受けるのか否かを聞かれた。そのとき、腸に癌のあると告げられた。また、肺癌への点滴の効果なしとのこと。
　　　　　　

光生の信頼したセカンドオピニオンの検査では（和歌山県立医科大学）

光生のアドバイスも、るみには釈迦に説法。

るみ、この世におさらば。
　2033　　6/8〜6/21
　　　　　　放射線治療をおこなう事になる。（大腸がんに）できる量の半分を２回に分けおこなう予定。　尿などの神経圧迫、尿が出ない。足が痺れる。放射線治療は２週間後に、その
　　　　　　効果を感じる。放射線の効果は半年だそうだ、２回目は効果がない。

　その後のメモは康が持ち去る。

　「先生、どうやって殺すん」
　最後生き抜いた3箇月は平成4年２月二十四日に永眠した丸谷董裕と同にひどく痛がっていました。しかし、寒さに震えていなかったのはせめてもの救いになっております。


　　病骨稜如剣



第一薬品の辻氏が薬を入れると 医師は不在、康が死を確認した


令和六年二月八日　午後八時４１分であるが、、、、、、、医師は逝った後、康からのрﾅやって来た。小生が枕経を読むと

　　●　元祖大師御遺訓　　　一枚起請文

　唐土我朝に、もろもろの智者達の、沙汰し申さるる観念の念にもあらず。また学問をして、念の心を悟りて申す念仏にもあらず。ただ往生極楽のためには　
「おとうさん、ちょっと！やめて」と、石田医師の声。
　南無阿弥陀仏と申して、うたがいなく往生するぞと思い取りて申すほかには別の仔細候らわず。ただし三心四修と申すことの候は、皆決定して南無阿弥陀仏にて往生するぞと思ううちにこもり候なり。この外に奥ふかき事を存ぜば、二尊のあわれみにはずれ、本願にもれ候べし。念仏を信ぜん人は、たとい一代の法をよくよく学すとも、一文不知の愚鈍の身になして、尼入道の無知のともがらに同じうして、智者のふるまいをせずしてただ一向に念仏すべし。証のために両手印をもってす。
浄土宗の安心起行この一紙に至極せり。源空が所存、この外に全く別義を存ぜず、滅後の邪義をふせがんがために所存をしるし畢んぬ。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　建暦二年　正月二十三日　　　　大師在御判
と、以上の出来事がおこった。

　　　　

≪ Quand les hommes politiques se limitent a administrer un systeme de reglements ou de pouvoir, une histoire sans violence peut etre attendue. Cependant, quand on a le malheur ou la chance de vivre a une epoque ou les fondements traditionnels de l'Etat ou de la societe s'effondrent, et que les etres humains doivent constituer leurs propres relations bon gre mal gre, la liberte de chacun menace la liberte des autres de mort, et les assassinats proliferent. ≫・・・・・・la situation actuelle au Japon.

　　　　C'est une structure a laquelle le peuple japonais, qui, meme apres avoir largement reussi dans ses luttes contre d'autres animaux et le coronavirus, tatonne encore 　pour trouver une maniere de se gouverner, ne peut echapper pour le moment. Cependant, cette action meme ? ≪ un medecin tentant de reorganiser seul les relations humaines a Wakayama ≫ - engendre logiquement et inevitablement un conflit de mort et de meurtre.


　　　　　　　　●がん患者さんの看取り方


　　　　　　大事な人が亡くなるのはとてもつらいことですが、しっかりと事前に情報を集め、
　　　　　　心の準備をしておかないと、いたずらに死にゆく人を苦しめ、あとで己の行為を
　　　　　　悔やむことになります。

　　　　　　特にがんの患者さんが亡くなるときは、たいてい悪液質になっていますから、
　　　　　　状況を理解しない家族は、無理に食事を摂らせようとしたり、点滴や注射や
　　　　　　酸素マスクを求めたりして、患者さんを苦しめます。

　　　　　　医療は死に対しては無力です。それどころか、よけいな医療は死にゆく患者さんを
　　　　　　苦しめるばかりです。よけいな医療というのは、死を遠ざけようとする処置です。

　　　　　　「まだ治療の余地があります」とか、「なんとか別の方法を試してみましょう」などと
　　　　　　言う医者も、内心では何もしないほうがいいんだけれどと思っているというのが、
　　　　　　ほんとうのところです。

　　　　　　　一方、死にゆくがん患者さんに必要な医療もあります。
　　　　　　それは痛みをコントロールするために医療用麻薬の使用です。
　　　　　　モルヒネが主ですが、ほかにも人工麻薬のフェンタニルやオキシコドンなどもあります。
　　　　　　飲み薬や持続注射、座薬や貼り薬もありますから、患者さんの状態に応じて使用できます。

　　　　　　　私ががんになって最期を迎えることになれば、早々に医療用麻薬を開始してもらって、
　　　　　　麻薬の安楽なもうろう状態で、この世とお別れしたいと思います。



　『坊ちゃん』　　　　　　　　　夏目漱石

　われわれが人と会話するときのことを考えますと坊ちゃんの「ちゃん」を、「ちゃん」は相手に対して親しみを表現する感覚で使いますが、
幼児を呼ぶときはほとんど「ちゃん」です。
しかし、○○「さん」というときは相手の人格を尊重した意味にとれます。
　また、おかあさんは子供が乳離れをしていないときは「ちゃん」で、「さん」とか「様」づけになったときは、子どもが親元から独立したときに
ひとびとから人格を認められたような感じです。
　夏目漱石さんの『坊ちゃん』をこんな感じで読んだとき、清さんの存在とわが妻るみの存在が私の母への甘えと相似していました。

　≪、、、、、、死ぬ前日おれを呼んで坊ちゃん後生だから清が死んだら、坊ちゃんのお寺へ埋めてください。お墓の中で坊ちゃん
の来るのを楽しみに待っておりますと言った。だから清の墓は小日向養源寺にある≫

関西人は「坊ちゃん」を「ボンボン」と言ってますね。「ぼんち」とも言います。

　　５月１３日　「漱石会」は「有吉佐和子記念館」で開催されました。
　
　本日は５月で満９５歳になられました廣岡茂久氏も老人ホームの外出許可をとられて雨のなかセニアカーを運転されてのご参加されました。
この行動力はわたくしたちの宝です、また、民謡『忠義桜』を独唱されるなど「年老いて万事枯ゆく昨日今日、むさ苦しさになるまいぞ夢」
を実践中のお人です。また今回の『坊ちゃん』を解題とした読書会は「読書百遍意自ずから通ず」を体験できたことの満足感がございました。
　
　全身全霊を集中させながら一歩、一歩前進する廣岡氏にくらべますと、吾輩の生き様は結婚→放蕩→読書とやりたい放題。
妻にライフラインの責任を依存し趣味に生きてまいりました。
例えばお金の管理などは妻に任せてそこからおこずかいだけ貰って生きる、妻を洗濯女代わりに使いまくるなど、
昭和生まれで親が戦争体験者のひとびとは、こんなひとびとが多いのではないでしょうか。
　なにをするのも「おかあさん！」と、妻を乳母代わりに使います。ここに「恋愛と妻」とは別人格のもとにｇｏｉｎｇ　ｍｙ　ｗａｙ
を貫く男子たちが生まれました、『関白宣言』などが大流行しました。
　
　「文学」というものはこのような考えを刷新させてくれ、現代社会に「その作品」といった子を産み落としました。
　大逆事件の女たち、石川啄木の妻、与謝野晶子、平塚らいてう、津田梅子など明治時代のひとびとは女性の解放について
真摯に向き合っておられたようです。
　しかし、戦争を知らない子どもたちの世代あたりから以降の青年層というものは、戦争の影響よりも戦後の影響を強く受けている
ような気がいたします。
　
　終戦から１０年後、都会のみ平和が狂騒しているこんにちまで、昭和３０年世代の人々は戦争と別種な不可思議な体験が重ねあげられて
きました、その体験の蓄積が悪く発酵した例として、プロパガンダが蒸しあげて活字として羅列しています。

　よい例の一つが小生の家内のような底抜けに明るい屈託のない娘たちの出現です。
　反面、漱石さんの『私の個人主義』を理解できず、団塊の世代の学習のの果実に甘えて、良いところばかりつまんで解釈しているために
自分本意の思考のみ優先するひとびとが増えています。

　思うに、明治・大正・昭和の人々には欧米列強に方を並べるといった大命題が存在し、その魂を抱きながら生きぬいてきたです。
　平成世代以降のひとびとは昭和30年以降のひとびとに育てられた結果、明治の日本人たちのガッツは見受けられません。
　ゆえに、古き昭和の良き時代を回顧しながら老人クラブのような「漱石会」での読書会でお勉強をし、ボケ予防をしながら令和の時勢の嵐も
吹きごたえがなくなるまで生き抜いてやろうじゃありませんか。
　
　【恩田先生の解説から】

　　　・「坊ちゃん」だけには「うらなり」や「やまあらし」のような姓がみあたらない。
　　　
　　　・「清」は坊ちゃんにとって乳母のような存在である。
　　　
　　　・「結婚」＝うらなり「放蕩」＝赤シャツ「読書」＝漱石を　あてはめ考えました。

漱石さんが『坊ちゃん』を書いたころ、この小説を舞台とした松山市一番町愛松亭より正岡子規さんにお手紙を出していました。それは
『坊ちゃん』が松山を舞台にしたことの子規さんに暗黙の了解を得たかったのでしょう。
　≪・・・・・・・古白氏自殺のよし当地に風聞を聞き驚き入り候随分事情のある事と存じ候らへども惜しき極に候≫
と、同時に藤野古白『人柱築島由来』の横死を提起。

　快刀切断両頭蛇　　　快刀　切断す　両頭の蛇
　不顧人間笑語譁　　　顧りみず　人間(じんかん)　笑語譁(かまびす)すしきを
　黄土千秋埋得失　　　黄土　千秋　得失を埋め
　蒼天万古照賢邪　　　　蒼天　万古　賢邪を照らす
　微風易砕水中月　　　微風　砕き易し　水中の月
　片雨難留枝上花　　　片雨　留め難し　枝上の花
　大酔醒来寒徹骨　　　大酔　醒め来りて　寒さ骨に徹し
　余生養得在山家　　　余生　養い得て　山家に在り

　刀ですっぱりと二股かける気持ちを切り断ち、世間のやかましい嘲笑は相手としない。
　損得の勘定は永遠に地面の下に埋め、お天道様は永劫に賢と邪とを見定めてくれる。
　水中の月影は、そよ風にも砕けやすく、枝に咲く花は僅かに降るだけの雨にも落ちてしまう。
　随分酔ったのに醒めてしまうと、寒さが骨身にこたえるが、残りの人生は田舎で過ごすとしよう。


また、五月二十八日付書簡では、
　　≪小生、当地着以来、昏々俗流に打ち混じ、アッケラ閑として消光、身体は別
　　に変動も無之候。教員生徒間の折合もよろしく好都合に御座候。東都の一瓢
　　生を捉へて大先生の如く取扱ふ事、返す?恐縮の至りに御座候≫

　と、この頃における松山での生活が比較的快適であることを述べています。
　そうした気持ちがこの詩全体に反映されている、と考えられると思いませんでしょうか。

　※『人柱築島由来』

　人柱の話については南方熊楠も探求されていて、『南方熊楠選集』にもみえます。

　　「物をいふまい　物ゆた故に、父は長柄の人柱」
『和漢三才図会』に従うと、はじめてこの橋を架けた時、水神のために人柱を入れなくてはならねと、
関を垂水村に構えて人を揃えんとす。そこへ同村の岩氏某がきて、人柱に使う人を袴につぎあるもの
ときめよ、と差しいでた。ところが、そういう汝こそ袴につぎがあるではないかと捕われて、たちまち
人柱にせられた。（笑い）
　また、大正十四年六月二十五日『大阪毎日新聞』に、誰かが築島に人柱はきくが築城に人柱は聞
かぬというように書かれたが、井林広政氏から、かつて伊予大洲の城は立てる時お亀という女を人柱
にしたので、お亀城と名づく、と聞いた。この人は大洲生まれの士族なれば虚伝でもなかろう。
と、書かれていらっしゃいます。



　講師の恩田先生曰く、この小説の時代背景にはポーツマス条約と日露戦争を揚げました。

　明治38年（1905）8月10日からアメリカのポーツマスで講和会議が開かれ、9月5日、日露講和条約（ポーツマス条約）が調印されました。
同条約は、両国が10月15日批准を相互に通告して発効し、16日に公布されました。
　・ロシアは北緯50度以南の樺太（サハリン）を日本に譲渡する。
　・ロシアは日本の韓国における軍事・経済上の卓越した利益を承認し、日本が韓国に指導・保護・監理の措置をとるのを妨げない。
　・日露両国は満州から同時に撤退し、満州を清国に還付する。
　・ロシアは、清国の承認を得て、長春・旅順口間の鉄道を日本に譲る。
　・ロシアはロシア沿岸の漁業権を日本に譲る
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　以上がポーツマス条約の内容です。

その後、明治３９（1906）１月『吾輩は猫である』７，８章（ホトトギス）。『趣味の遺伝』（帝国文学）。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　３月『吾輩は猫である』９章（ホトトギス）。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　４月『吾が輩は猫である』１０章（ホトトギス）『坊ちゃん』（ホトトギス）
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　５月『漾虚集』（倫敦塔・カーライル博物館・幻影の盾・一夜・薤露行・趣味の遺伝）大倉書店・服部書店。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　８月『吾輩は猫である』１１章（ホトトギス）。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　９月『草枕』（新小説）。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　１０月『二百十日』（中央公論）
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　１１月『吾輩は猫である』（中編）

　　　　　明治４０　　　　　１月『鶉籠』（坊ちゃん・二百十日・草枕）『野分』（ホトトギス）
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　・・・・・・地方を舞台にしているのは何故でしょうか？
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　４月　朝日新聞入社。
　
　これらを読むとき漱石さんと孫文との関係も念頭に入れることにより、わが国の明治時代のひとびとの動きが理解できます。


　『手紙』
　　
　漱石の書いた作品に『手紙』がございますが、その書き出しでモーパッサンの『二十五日間』とプレボーの『不在』を例えており、
プレボーのほうは、
　≪、、、、、、パリのある避暑地へ降りて、そこの宿屋の机かなにかの上で、しきりに構想に悩みながら、何か種はないかという
　　ふうに、机の引出しをいちいちあけてみると、最終の底から、思いがけなく手紙が出てきた≫
と、いったものでした。

モーパッサンの『二十五日間』につきましては、作品の掲載された書物を見つけることが困難でございましたけれども、旧和歌山市
民図書館にお尋ねしました。すると、川崎氏から、
　「モーパッサン全集３　春陽堂の中に「わが二十五日」といった内容で存在しております」
と、お教えいただきました。



和歌山市文化振興課　第一回　有吉佐和子文学賞　最優秀賞

　『手紙』　　
　山梨県アルプス市　　日沼よしみ　

　@　私（よしみ）は後期高齢者である。しかし、恋をしている。
　
　A　なあ〜んだ。恋の相手は押し入れにしまっていた手紙なんだ。

　B　それは、あなたとわたしの金字塔。

　C　中学校の同級生。でも、高校卒業後あなたは東京に行ってしまった。

　D　離れ離れの心を繋ぐ糸、それは文通で愛しあうことでした。

　E　四年がすぎて、「生涯、大切にするよ」。

　F　それから五十年。あなたに支えられて生きてきたの。

　G　パーキンソン病は有吉文学の『恍惚の人』や『青い壷』に書かれているごとく、脳みその退化。
　　　やがて歩けなくなり、人口肛門に胃ろう、でも生きれるのが幸せ。

　H　ついに病院からみはなされたわ。自宅で殺せというの！

　I　偶然は必然。まるでこの時を選んで現れたかのような古い手紙の束を、わたしはこみ上げる
　　　熱い思いと一緒に抱きしめました。

　J　こんなにも私を励まし、幸せにする贈り物が今までにあったでしょうか。

　K　これを二度目の恋というのでしょうか。

　L　手紙を眺めるたびに「生涯、だいじにいたわるよ」とあなたの言霊が聞こえてきます。


感想文　日吉様のご主人は他界されてしまったのですか、じつは小生の妻も最近亡くなりました。
　　　　　徒然なるままに生きています。
　　　　　ご主人様と交わした言葉は言霊となり、いつまでも日吉様の傍でいますよ。
　　　　　『手紙』の中に有吉文学のロマンを感じました。
　　　　　　　



　　　　　　　　　　和歌山漱石会が開かれました。（2024、7..５）　　

　　　　　　　　　　「百里を行くものは九十を半ばとす」
　　　　　　　　　　　　　土山事務局長は９０歳！　まだ、まだ頑張ろうね


　和歌山漱石会の次回開催は十一月十一日の午後二時に「有吉佐和子記念館」で、
　解題は、『思い出すことなど』です。


『思い出すことなど』

@　・つり台に　野菊も見えぬ　桐油かな
　修善寺公園の碑へのリンク　
　　　
　・思いけり　すでに幾代の　きりぎりす
　　　・「幾代」と「逝く与」の掛けことばか。

A　・逝く人に　とどまる人に　来たる雁

　　・ただ一羽　来る夜ありけり　月の雁
　「平山胃腸クリニックの前身は長与胃腸病院です」
当院の前身は1896年（明治29年）10月開設されたわが国はじめての胃腸病専門の病院・胃腸病院で、開設以来120年を超える歴史を有しています。開設者・長与称吉の父専斎は緒方洪庵門下で明治政府の医事行政に功績のあった人です。称吉は明治17年、19才でドイツに留学、消化器病学を研鑽の末ドクトルの学位を得て明治26年に帰朝、当時の日本橋本町（現在の日本銀行付近）でわが国はじめての胃腸病専門の医院を開業しました。
その後明治29年当時の麹町区内幸町（現在の千代田区内幸町）に病院を建設したのが本院のはじまりです。現院長の平山洋二は第５代目の院長で、長与専斎の曽孫にあたります。当時の建物は木造２階建ての和式の建物で、病室も畳敷きでした。
[≪、、、、、、病室は畳も青かった。ふすまも張り替えてあった。よろず居心よく整っていた。杉本副院長が再度修善寺へ診察に来たとき、畳替えをして待っています、と妻に言いおかれたことばをすぐに思いだしたほど、きれいである。≫
当時の胃腸病院の様子は、明治３１年発行の風俗画報・東京名所図絵に紹介されています。司馬遼太郎の小説「坂の上の雲」に出てくる秋山真之や夏目漱石が入院したのもこの病院です。当時の胃腸病院の様子は、明治３１年発行の風俗画報・東京名所図絵に紹介されています。
また、明治３１年１２月に本院を中心として形成された胃腸病研究会が、現在の日本消化器病学会へと発展したという歴史があり、平山胃腸クリニックは長い間わが国における胃腸病研究の中心であったのです。
本院は関東大震災の後、同所に鉄筋コンクリート３階建ての病院が再建され、さらに昭和４３年、現在の
四谷に移転しました。本院は開設１００年に当る１９９６年（平成８年）に全面改装をして 診療機器も一新されました。
平成２２年４月、病棟を閉鎖し平山胃腸クリニックとして開業いたしました。そして平成２８年１月、四谷再開発に伴い、大京町に移転し新たなスタートをきりました。


B長与胃腸病院長・ジェームズ教授の訃
　　（ジェームス教授の哲学思想が、文学の方面より見てどうおもしろいか、ここに群説する余地がないのは、余の遺憾とするところである。また、教授の深く推奨したペルグソンの著書のうち第一巻は、昨今ようやく英訳になってゾンネンシャインから出版された。）
　『多元的宇宙』へのリンク

　≪余の病気について、治療上いろいろ好意を表してくれた長与病院長は、余の知らない間に、いつか死んでいた。余の病中に、空爆なる余の頭に、陸離の光景を投げ込んでくれたジェームズ教授も、余の知らない間にいつか死んでいた。二人に謝すべき余は、ただひとり生きのこっている。≫
　

　・菊の雨　われに閑ある　病かな
　　　
　・菊の色　縁にいまだし　このあした

　C　池辺三山君に送った詩
　　　
　　　　　新詩を遺却して尋ねるに処無し　搭然マドを隔てて遙林に対す　斜陽径に径て僧を照らして遠のく　黄葉の一村寺を蔵めて深し　偈を壁間に懸くるは仏を益焚く意　雲を天上に見るｈ事を抱く心　人間至楽江湖に老ゆ　犬吠鶏鳴共に好音
，、、、、、巧掘は論外として、病院にいる世が窓から寺をノ望むわけでもなし、まて室内に事を置く必要もないから、この詩はまったくの実況に反しているには違いないが、ただ当時の余の気持ちを詠じたものとしては、すこぶるかっこうである。

　D　明治四十三年九月二十五日

　　　・秋の江に　打ち込む杭の　響きかな
　
　　　・秋の空　浅黄の澄めり　杉に斧

　　　　・秋風や　からくれないの　のどぼとけ

　
　　

　　　風流　人　いまだ死せず　　　　病裡　清閑を領す　　　日日　山中の事　　　朝朝　碧山を見る
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　
　E　もうすぐ死んでゆくみなさまへ
　　作品へのリンク沈徳潜『国家六家の序には、乾隆丁亥夏五長州沈徳潜書す、時に年九十五、と、わざわざ断ってある。

　　長生きのけっこうなことはいうまでもない。長生きをして、この二人のように頭がたしかに使えるのは、なおさらめでたい。不惑のよわいを越すとまもなく死のうとして、わずかに助かった余は、これからいつまで生きられるか、もとよりわからない。思うに一日生きれば一日のけっこうで、二日生きれば二日のけっこうであろう。そのうえ頭が使えたら、なおありがたいといわなければなるまい。
　

　生き延びた自分を祝い、遠く逝く人を悲しみ、友をなつかしみ、敵を憎んで、内輪だけの活計に甘んじて得意にその日を渡るわけにはいくまい。、、、、、、種族保存のためには、個々の滅亡を意とせぬのが、進化論の原則である。、、、、、、人間の生死も、人間を本意とするわれらからいえば大事件に相違ないが、巡査どもに該当すれば、しばらく立場をかえて、自分が自然になりすました気分で観察したら、ただ至当のなりゆきで、そこに喜び、そこに悲しむ理屈はごうも存在していないだろう。
　
　・あるほどの　菊投げ入れよ　棺の中
　　　　　　「十一月十五日（火）、大塚楠緒の死を悼んで、記す、他にも「棺には菊投げ入れよ有らん程」がある。

　Fウォードの社会学.・大塚楠緒へのリンク

　G　明治43年9月22日

　　圓覺曾參棒喝禪　瞎兒何處觸機縁　山不拒庸人骨　囘首九原月在天

　円覚に曾（か）って参じぬ　棒喝（ぼうかつ）の禅、　瞎児（かつじ）は何処（いづこ）にか　機縁に触れん。　青山は拒まず　庸人（ようじん）の骨を、
　
　　首（こうべ）を九原（きゅうげん）に回（めぐら）せば　月　天に在り。


　　曾って私は、円覚寺に出向いて臨済のきびしい禅風に参じたものである。
　　私は、瞎児同然血のめぐりが悪いので、どこへいってもさとりの機縁に恵まれなかった。
　　　しかし、人間の行きつく場といわれる墓地は、この煩悩具足の凡夫である私ごときものの骨でさえ受け入れて下さるべく待ちかまえている。
　　つらつら懐（おも）うのに、彼の闇（くら）いはずの黄泉（よみじ）が、どうしたことか、皓々（こうこう）たる月が天に輝いているかのように思えてくる。
　
　H
　≪、、、、、また、記憶をさかさまに向け直して、あともどりをした。≫
　「八月五日（土）、転地療養のため、午前十一時、新橋停車場初の汽車（神戸行。普通）で一人で、修善寺温泉に赴く。（松根東洋城に勧められる。）北白川宮の御用掛をしている松根東洋城は、一汽車遅れるという（午後一時十分新橋停車場発。浜松行。普通）という連絡があったので、御殿場で待ち合わせる（松根東洋城の１等切符代三円九十六銭の払い戻しを受ける）。構内で、外人の通訳をしてやろうと思ったが、咽喉を痛めて、声が出ない。なんとか駅員の助けをかりてようやくのことこの大男を無事に京都へ送り届けたこととは思うが、その時の深井感はいまだに忘れない。（この話は鏡が語ったものを伸六が伝えたもの。）三島で四十分待ち合わせ、大仁に赴く。（明治四十三年八月、「鉄道時刻表」によると）、午後一時十分新橋停車場発は、午後五時五十六分三島着。それから六時四十五分（約五十分待ち合わせ）の射ず鉄道大仁行に乗車。七時四十二分大仁着。日が暮れ、雨が本降りになる。３台の車で菊屋別館に着く。入浴。夕食。（石井町子看護婦の世話を受けている。石井町子は、修善寺から長与胃腸病院戻り、退院するまで付き添う。）」

　I
　　・病んで夢む　天の川より　川水かな
　　　　　　「八月五日（木）九時半驟u雨一過する。『それから』やっと結末にちかづく。　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

　　J
　　　・風に聞け　いずれかさきに　散る木の葉

　　　　　　修善寺から（九月十一日　夏目鏡子・恆子・栄子あて）
　　　　　八月十一日。
　　　　　けさ御前たちから呉れた手紙を読みました。三人とも御父さまの事を心ぱいしてくれて嬉しく思います。この間はわざわざ修善寺まで見舞に来てくれてありがとう。びょう気で　　　　　口がきけなかったから御前たちの顔を見ただけです。この頃は大分よくなりました。今に東京へ帰ったらみんなであそびましょう。御母さまも御出です。るすのうちはおとなしく
　　　　　して御祖母さまのいうことをきかなくってはいけません。御祖母さまや、御ふささんや、御梅さんや清によろしく。今ここに野上さんと小宮さんが来ています。東京へついでの
　　　　　あった時修善寺の御みやげをみんなに送ってあげます。さようなら。

　　　　　　筆子
　　　　　　恒子　　　　　へ
　　　　　　えい子

　『漱石の想い出』の中にある妻から夫への手紙へのリンク


　　K
　　　・萩に置く露の重きに病む身かな


　　　　　　　横になったまま、初秋の空を夜半近くまで見守っていた。そうして、忘れるべからざる二十四日の来るのを、無意識に待っていた。←（二十四日に何があったのか）


　　L９月二十四日（土）、坂元雪鳥、杉村楚人冠来る。午後髭を剃り、髪を櫛り、脱便、衣服を着かえ、坂元雪鳥の持ってきた新しい毛布をかける。宮本淑博士、杉本東造医師来診。観光団が終夜騒がしい。そのためにか、眠られぬ。　（「漱石研究年表」から抜粋）このことか→≪Kに、裸連の一部は、霜座敷にもいた。すべてで九人いるので、みずから九人組ともとなえていた。その九人組が丸裸になって、幅六尺の縁側へ出て踊りをおどって、一晩はねまわった。便所へ行く必要があって、障子の外へでたら、九人組はおどりくたびれて、素裸のまま縁側にあぐらをかいていた。余はじゃまになる尻や脛の間をまたいで、用をたしてきた。≫

九月二十四日（土）、坂本雪鳥、杉村楚人冠来る。午後髭を剃り、脱便、衣服を着替え、坂本雪鳥の持ってきた新しい毛布をかける。宮本淑博士、杉本東造医師来診。観光団が終夜騒がしい。そのためにか、眠られぬ。
　　　　　　かく大量の血を一度に吐いた余は、その暮がたの光景から、日のない真夜中を通して、あくる日の天明にいたるありさまを巨細残らず記憶している気でいた。ほどへて、妻の心覚えに漬けていた日記を読んでみて、その中に、ノウヒンケツ（ろうばいした妻はかくのごとく書いている）をお越し、人事不省に陥る、とあるのに気がついてとき、余は妻をまくらべに呼んで、当時の模様を詳しく聞くことができた。←『漱石の想い出』に鏡の回想文が収録。Jのリンクをどうぞ　


　　　　淋漓絳血腹中文 　　淋漓《りんり》たる絳血《こうけつ》（深紅の血） 腹中の文《ぶん》
　　　　嘔照黄昏漾綺紋 　　嘔いて黄昏を照らして 綺紋《きもん》を 漾《ただよ》わす
　　　入夜空疑身是骨　　　夜に入りて空しく疑ふ 身は是れ骨かと
　　　　臥牀如石夢寒雲 　　臥牀 石の如く 寒雲を夢む
　　　
　　（「腹中の文」というのが、この詩のキーワードのような気がするが、、多義的に思える。まだ、描き足りない小説や彼の思いのように取れるし、「絳血」の末にたどり着いた漱石さんの新境地か。）

　　M
　　　　・ひややかな脈を守りぬ夜明けがた

　　　　　　すると、床の上につるした電気灯が」ぐらぐらと動いた。ガラスの中に湾曲した一本の先が、線香花火のように、とくきらめいた。余は生まれてから、このときほど強く、また怖ろしく光力を感じたことがなかった。そのとっさのせつなにすら、いなずまをひとみに焼き付けるとはこれだ、と思った。そきに、突然電気灯が消えて、気が遠くなった。
　カンフル、カンフルという杉本さんの声が聞こえた。・・・・・・（略）・・・・・・はたがひとしきり静かになった。余の左右の手首は、ふたりの医師に絶えずにぎられていた。その二人は、目をとじている余を中にはさんで、下のような話をした。（その単語はことごとくドイツ語であった）。
　　　　　　　　「Schwach]
　　　　　　　「Ja」
　　　　　　　「wahr schein lich nicht 」
　　　　　　　「Ja」
　　　　　　　「Was,i st, wenn ich ein kind treffe ?」

　N
　　　　縹渺玄黄外　　　　縹渺たる玄黄の外　　　＊はるけくもうつろなる天地の外にて（鏡「左様ぢゃありません、あの時三十分ほどは死んでいらしったんです」
　　　　死生交謝時　　　　死生交ごも謝する時　　　　　　　　＊死と生が二面対象の、いかにも急劇で没交渉なのに深く感じた。
　　　　寄託冥然去　　　　寄託冥然として去り　　　　　　　　＊寄託とは漱石の拠りどころがなくなったようである。
　　　　我心何所之　　　　我が心何んの之く所ぞ　　　　　　　＊余は何処へ行くのやら。
　　　　帰来覓命根　　　　帰来命根を覓む　　　　　　　　　　　＊三十分の絶望から帰り来て、命の基を求めた。
　　　　杳?竟難知　　　　　杳よう竟に知りがたし　　　　　　　　＊おぼろげだったので遂になにがあったのか分からない。
　　　　孤秋空遶夢　　　　孤秋空しく秋を遶り　　　　　　　　　＊一人孤独な秋の空えを遶る。
　　　　宛動蕭瑟悲　　　　宛として蕭瑟の悲しみを動かす　　＊蕭瑟→秋風の声、物寂しいさま『幻の盾』に寥廓なる天の下、蕭瑟なる林の裏、とある。
　　　　江山秋己老　　　　江山秋すでに老い　　　　　　　　　　＊紅葉した山は秋の深さを思います。
　　　　粥薬鬢将衰　　　　粥薬鬢将に衰えんとす　　　　　　　＊粥薬→かゆとくすり、（随書、公孫景茂染傅）景茂捐俸粥薬。（宋史、李煕靖傅）家人進粥薬。
　　　　高樹獨餘枝　　　　高樹獨り枝を餘す　　　　　　　　　　＊高木の葉は散り、小枝をのこしている。
　　　　晩懐如此澹　　　　晩懐かくの如く澹に　　　　　　　　　＊年老いての感懐ははこんな澹なる風貌よ
　　　　風路入詩遅　　　　風路詩にいること遅し　　　　　　　　＊眼前の風物はとてもすぐれている。
　　　　
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　明治四十三年４月

　　　Living outside the vast and hollow heaven and earth.
　　　I felt a deep sense of sudden disconnection between life and death, with these two opposing forces at odds..
　　　I feel like I have nowhere left to turn..
　　　Where am I going from now on?
　　　I woke up after 30 minutes of unconsciousness and searched for the source of life.。
　　　I was so distracted I didn't know what was going on.
　　　Running through the lonely autumn sky.
　　　It's like the voice of autumn is calling out to sadness.
　　　Withered leaves suggest the deepening of autumn.
　　　Porridge and chemotherapy weaken the body.
　　　The leaves of the tall trees fall, leaving only the twigs.
　　　Looks like an old man.
　　　Is it time to turn the wind and dew into poetry?
　　　
　　　　【南方熊楠の体験談】
ここに、熊楠と文通を通して議論の相手となった真言宗の僧都、土宜宝龍（１８５４〜１９２３）に宛てた書簡（１９０４年６月２１日）に、臨死体験に関する一文を紹介してみたい。（当時、熊楠は漱石とも親交のある杉村楚人館に『三年前の反吐ー隠れたる世界的の大学者』（1909）に活字にされ、熊楠伝説が流布されていた。
　≪ひとが死んだあとも存続するものがあります。わたしも柔術などで気絶し、しばらくして活を入れられて蘇ったことがあります。〔いろいろな人に〕そのときの状況を聞いてくらべると、たいてい自分のと同じなのです。川原のような所を歩いており、悠々自適、なんの気がかりもなく小唄でも出そうになります。はるかうしろから、確かに呼ばれていると、思ってようやく気づくものなのです。もっとも川原を歩いたことがないひとは、そんなふうに思わないのかもしれません。しかし、だいたい同じだろうと思います。また魂遊というものがあります。わたしも今春、自身でこれを体験しました。糸で自分の頭をつなぎ俗にいうろくろ首のように、部屋の外に遊び、そのありさまを見るものでした。このこともまた寒さの厳しい山中などで、〔ひとびとに〕こうした話を聞き聞き合わせると、誰もが同じでした。≫（『和歌山市立博物館研究紀要』）
）




　O
　　八月二十五日　　　　　鏡子の日記
　　　　朝容態聞ケバキケンナレドゴク安静二シテ居レバモチナオスカモ知レヌト言ウ　杉本氏帰ル東京ノ家ノ東カラ電話がカカリ今朝一番デ夏目兄上高田姉上御夫婦子供三人高浜さん森田さん中根倫さんがお立ちになりましたと言ウ　大塚さん大磯から来ラル　安部さんも来てクレル　一汽車オクレテ野村さんも来ル　池辺氏も来ラル


　　実際、余と余の妻とは、生存競争のからい空気が、じかに通わない山の底に住んでいたのである。

　　・露けさの里にて静かなる病

　P
　　　　 オリバー・ロッジへのリンクThis book is a　very conscious sttemt to precent the sometimes intangible and complicated facts and communicating with the spirit of his son simply and concretely.
　　　　　色即是空 :＊心霊現象研究の潮流の兆しとしては明治末年、南方熊楠、夏目漱石、柳宋悦らが早くもスピリチュアリズムに関心を示していた。漱石
　　　　　　　　は『行人』でもメーテルリングの論文を讀んで、不通のスピリチュアル同様つまらない、と記している。同じ頃、学者生命を賭けて心霊現象を追及していた
　　　　　　　　福来友吉が東大教授を追われたのは大正二年のことである。日本心霊現象の萌芽期といってよい。

　・　おおいなるものは小さいものを含んで、その小さいものに気がついているが、含まれたる小さいものは自分の存在を知るばかりで、おのれらの寄り集まってこしらえている全部に対しては、風馬牛のごとくむとんじゃくであるとは、ゼームスが意識の内容を解き放したり、また結び合わせたりして得た結論である。

　・迎い火をたいてたれ待つ絽の羽織

　Q
　　　・朝寒や生きたる骨を動かさず

　R　
　・四十を越した男、自然に淘汰せられんとした男、さしたる過去を持たぬ男に、忙しい世が、これほど手間と、時間と、親切をかけてくれようとは、夢にも待ち受けなかった余は、病に行きかえるとともに、心に生き返った。余は病に謝した。また、余のｔｓめにこれほどのの手間と、時間と、親切を惜しまざる人々に謝した。そうして、願わくは善良な人間になりたい、と考えた。そうして、この幸福な考えをわれにうちこわす者を、永久の敵とすべく、心に誓った。


　　　　馬上年老，　　鏡中白髮新。　　幸生天子國，　　願作太平民。

・馬上青年老い　　　
・鏡中白髮新なり　　　
・幸ひに天子の国に生まれ　　
・願はくは太平の民とならん


　S
　仰臥人如亞，　默然見大空。　大空雲不動，　終日杳相同。

・仰臥して人あのごとくとし
・黙然として大空を見る
・大空雲も動かず
・終日杳として相ひ同じ
　　　　
　余は仰向けに得て詞の喋れないもののごとしである。無言で大空を見ている。大空の雲は不動。一日中同じ景色である。

　22
　 ドストエフスキーへのリンク
　　≪同じドストエフスキーもまた、死の門口まで引きずられながら、かろうじてあともどりすることのできた幸福な人である。けれども彼の命をあやめにかかった災いは、余の場合におけるがごとき悪辣な病気ではなかった。彼は人の手に作りあげられた方という機械の敵となって、どんと心臓を打ちぬかれようとしたのである。≫


　

秋風鳴万木　　秋風　万木を鳴らし　　　　　　　　　　秋の風は沢山の木々をざわめかせ

山雨撼高楼　　山雨高楼をゆるがす　　　　　　　　　山の雨は　この高楼をゆさぶる

病骨稜如剣　　病骨こつ稜として　剣の如し　　　　　　病んでいる私の骨は　剣が突き出ようとしているようだ

一灯青欲愁　　一灯青くして　愁えんと欲す　　　　部屋の一本の灯は青く燃えて　　私を憐れんでいる



(前半２句) 　　　烈しい雨風。心境の例えになっている。不安感を表す。　　　　唐の詩人　許渾の「感陽城の東楼」(・・・・・山雨来らんと欲して　風　楼に満つ)を踏まえている。
(後半２句)　　　病の床に伏している自分自身の事を言っている。











　２３　「俺は職務に忠実でね」
　義務と好意---電車に乗って一区をまたたく間に走るよりも、人の背に負われて浅瀬を越した方が情けが深い。

　・義務−　仕事に忠実なる意味で、人間を相手にとったことばでもなんでもない。

　・好意−　相手の所作が一挙一動ことごとく自分を目的にして働いてくるので、生き物の自分にその一挙一動がことごとくこたえる。そこに互いに手をつなぐ暖かい糸　　　　　　　があって、機械的な世をたのもしく思わせる。

　・明治の青年と経済批判
　　≪今の青年は、筆をとっても、口をあいても、身を動かしても、ことごとく「自我の主張」を根本義にしている。それほど世の中は切り詰められたのである。それほど世の中は青年を虐待しているのである。「自我の主張」を正面から承れば、こにくらしい申しぶんが多い。けれども彼らをしてこの「自我の主張」をあえてしてはばかるところなきまでに押し詰めたものは、今の世間である。ことに、今の経済事情である。「自我の主張」の裏には、首をくくったり、身を投げたりすると同程度に、悲惨な煩悶が含まれている。ニーチェは弱い男であった。多病な人であった。そうして、ツァラトゥストラはかくのごとく叫んだのである。≫

へのリンク



　　　　　　　　　　　　　
≪医師は職業である。看護婦も職業である。礼もとれば、報酬も受ける。ただで世話をしていないことはもちろんである。かれらをもって、単に金銭をうるがゆえに、その義務に忠実なると解釈すれば、まことに機械的で、実も蓋もない話である。。けれども、かれらの義務のうちに、半分の好意を吹き込んで、それを病人の目から透かしてみたら、かれらの所作がどれほど尊くなるかわからない。病人はかれらのもたらす一点の好意によって、急に生きてくるあらである。≫

　　　　　　　　　　
　　　天下自多事、被吹天下風。　高秋悲鬢白、衰病夢顔紅。　送鳥天無盡、看雲道不窮。　残存吾骨貴、慎勿妄磨?。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　
　　　　世の中には大小軽重の色々な事が沢山ある。　その色々な事が世に影響を与えている。
　　　雲高く晴れた秋に耳際の髪が白いのを悲しみ、病み衰えては若き日の夢を見る。
　　　鳥を見送り、空は果てしないと感じ、雲を見て、道が極まりなきことを思う。
　　　今私が生きていることは誠に貴い、　行いを慎み、身を損なわないようにしよう。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　明治４３年１０月６日
　２４　
　In general, dogs sleep about 12-14 hours per day.


　≪余はこの気味の悪い心持を抱いて、目をあけるとともに、ぼんやりとひとみに映るへやの天井をながめた。そうして、黒い布の織り目から漏れてくる光に照らされた白い着物を着た女を見た。見たか見ないうちに、白い着物が動いて、余に近づいてきた。

　　　　明治４３年９月２０日　粥・ビスケット・オートミルをうまいと思う。午後４時過ぎ通便あり、初めて通常に近き色になる。昨年から読み始めた『多元的宇宙』を読み終わる。鏡で顔を見る。右の足の骨と尻が痛み、手がしびれ、目が覚めることが度度である。看護婦がその度に起きてくれる。
９月２４日坂元雷鳥、杉村楚人冠来る。観光団が終夜騒がしい。そのためにか、眠られぬ。

　　秋露下南間。 黄花粲照顔。 欲行沿澗遠。 却得与雲還。

　

　　　秋露（しゅうろ） 南?（なんかん）に下（くだ）り、 黄花（こうか） 粲（さん）として顔を照らす。 澗に沿いて 遠く行　　　　かんと欲して 、却って雲と与（とも）に還るを得たり。


　　　秋の露は南の谷に落ちて行き、 菊の花は、燦々として我が顔を照らす。 谷に沿って遠くに行こうと思ったが、 却って、雲と供に帰って来ることになった。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

　２５

　　　傷心秋已到。　嘔血骨猶存。
　　　病起期何日。　夕陽還一村。

　　　傷心　秋　已（すで）に到り　
　　　嘔血　骨　猶お存す
　　　病起　何（いず）れの日を期せん　
　　　夕陽（せきよう）　還（ま）た一村

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　１０月７日

　　　　　 修善寺の菊谷本館中庭（旧本館）二階で静養した漱石が時折眺めた庭
　　　　　　（七十数年前の絵葉書より松岡正剛博士の漢詩へのリンク

　２７
　　
　　腸に春したたるや粥の味きｘ
　　

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

　　　≪余は五十グラムの葛湯くずゆを恭しく飲んだ。そうして左右の腕に朝夕二回ずつの注射を受けた。腕は両方とも針の痕あとで埋まっていた。医師は余に今日はどっちの腕にするかと聞いた。余はどっちにもしたくなかった。薬液を皿に溶いたり、それを注射器に吸い込ましたり、針を丁寧に拭ったり、針の先に泡のように細かい薬を吹かして眺めたりする注射の準備ははなはだ物ものぎれいで心持が好いけれども、その針を腕にぐさと刺して、そこへ無理に薬を注射するのは不愉快でたまらなかった。余は医師に全体その鳶色の液は何だと聞いた。森成さんはブンベルンとかブンメルンとか答えて、遠慮なく余の腕を痛がらせた。≫

　　●断食ダイエット後の殺人*****
　　長い断食を終えてから最初の日にいきなり腹に粥を詰め込んで死ぬような恐れは医療従事者ならば周知のことであろう。まして、エビフライを強引に食べさせる人間もおかしい。それを病院ぐるみで隠蔽したのも不可思議である。よく咽喉がつまったり、「脾が裂けたり」するそうである。医者がこういう死人を解剖してみると、喉もとまで粥ばかりつまっているということである。しかし、なんといっても、発せられる言葉は黄金である。このことはドストエフスキーの『作家の日記』の中にも書いていました。
　　

　和歌山県立医科大学第７６回　篤解剖体慰霊祭のへのリンク

　

　２８　

　客夢回時一鳥鳴。　夜来山雨暁来晴。
　孤峯頂上孤松色。　早映紅暾欝々明。

Ｔｈｅ　ｄｒｅａｍｉｎｇ　ｔｒａｖｅｌｅｒ　ａｗａｋｅｎｓ　ｔｏ　ｏｎｅ　ｂｉｒｄ　ｓｉｎｇｉｎｇ，　
Ｍｏｕｎｔａｉｎ　ｒａｉｎ　ｆｒｏｍ　ｌａｓｔ　ｎｉｇｈｔ　clears　ａｔ　daybreak．
Ｏｎ　ｔｈｅ　peak　ｏｆ　ａ　ｌｏｎｅ　ｒｉｄｇｅ，ｓｈａｄｏｗ　ｏｆ　ａ　ｐｉｎｅ，
Ａｌｌ　ｉｔｓ　leaves　ｌｕｃｅｎｔｉｎｔｈｅ　ｅａｒｌｙ　ｃｒｉｍｓｏｎ　morning．

　客夢回(かえ)る時一鳥鳴く　　
　夜来の山雨　暁来(ぎょうらい)晴る
　孤峯頂上　孤松の色　
　早く紅暾(こうとん)に映じて欝欝と明らかなり

　◆この詩に続けて次のような句も詠んでいる。

　　足腰の立たぬ案山子を車かな

　　いよいよ帰京となった翌11日はあいにくの雨ではあった。
長逗留となった修善寺菊屋の二階から白布で蔽われた「橇の如きもの」に載せられそのまま馬車に乗せられたさまを「わが第一の葬式の如し」と11日の日記には書いているが、陰気ではない。帰京後そのまま長与病院に入院となる段取りも承知だが、詩も俳句も諧謔の気分といえるだろう。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　この日1910年10月10日月曜日の修善寺は朝焼けののち曇り。　　　
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　「明日東京に帰ると思うと嬉しい。」


　２９

　夢繞星黄滋露幽。　　　　夜分形影暗灯愁。
　旗亭病近修禅寺。　一幌疎鐘已九秋。

My dreams involve flying through the Milky Way in mystical silence..
In the middle of the night, my body and mind are as dark as a lantern..
The distance from Kikuya Ryokan to Shuzenji is short..
Through the closed curtains of the window, the sound of the temple bells can be heard from time to time, like the chirping of crickets. Autumn has already arrived.

　夢は星こうをめぐりて　げんろ幽なり
　夜分の形影　暗燈憂う
　旗亭病んで近し修禅寺
　一幌の疎鐘　已に九秋

　・私の夢は天の川を駈け廻り露がしたたり神秘手にである。
　・夜半わが身と心は暗燈のごとき愁いである。
　・酒屋（菊屋）で病んで修善寺に近いことだ。
　・カーテンを張った窓からまばらにきこゆ鐘の音、すでに秋ですな。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

≪もっとも夜は長くなる頃であった。暑さもしだいに過ぎて、雨の降る日はセルに羽織を重ねるか、思い切って朝から袷を着るかしなければ、肌寒はださむを防ぐたよりとならなかった時節である。山の端に落ち込む日は、常の短かい日よりもなおの事短かく昼を端折はしおって、灯は容易についた。そうして夜は中々明けなかった。余はじりじりと昼に食い入る夜長を夜ごとに恐れた。眼が開くときっと夜であった。これから何時間ぐらいこうしてしんと夜の中に生きながら埋もっている事かと思うと、我ながらわが病気に堪えられなかった。新らしい天井と、新らしい柱と、新らしい障子を見つめるに堪えなかった。真白な絹に書いた大きな字の懸物には最も堪えなかった。ああ早く夜が明けてくれればいいのにと思った。≫
≪修禅寺の太鼓はこの時にどんと鳴るのである。そうしてことさらに余を待ち遠しがらせるごとくまばらな間隔を取って、暗い夜をぽつりぽつりと縫い始める。それが五分と経ち七分と経つうちに、しだいに調子づいて、ついに夕立の雨滴よりも繁しげく逼って来る変化は、余から云うともう日の出に間もないと云う報知であった。太鼓を打ち切ってしばらくののちに、看護婦がやっと起きて室の廊下の所だけ雨戸を開けてくれるのは何よりも嬉しかった。外はいつでも薄暗く見えた。≫

　30

　日似三春永。　心随野水空。
　牀頭花一片。　閑落小眠中。

　
　日は三春に似って永く　
　心は野水に随って空し
　牀頭花一片
　閑の落つ小眠の中

Even though it's October 1st, the sunlight is so long it feels like March..
My heart is empty, just like the water in the river is empty..
There is a flower by my bed.
As I was dozing off, a petal seemed to fall.

　・日は一〇月一日、春三月のように長く
　・心は野水に随うって空虚である
　・床頭に花一片
　・犬の眠り中ポトリと花ビラがおちたようだ


　≪桂川の岸伝いに行くといくらでも咲いているというコスモスも時々病室を照らした。コスモスはすべての中で最も単簡で且つ長くもった。余はその薄くて規則正しい花弁と、空に浮　かんだように超然と取り合わぬ咲具合を見て、コスモスは干菓子に似ていると評した。なぜですかと聞いたものがあった。範頼の墓守の作ったという菊を分けて貰って来たのはそれからよほど後のことである。墓守は鉢に植えた菊を貸してあげようかといったそうである。この墓守の顔も見たかった。しまいには畠山の城址からあけびというものを取って来て瓶に挿んだ。それは色の褪めた茄子の色をしていた。そうしてその一つを鳥がつついて空ろにしていたーーー瓶に挿す草と花がしだいに変わるうちに季節はようやく深い秋に入った。≫
　


　３１

　――白髪と人生の間に迷うものは若い人たちから見たらおかしいに違ない。けれども彼等若い人達にもやがて墓と浮世の間に立って去就を決しかねる時期が来るだろう。

It may seem amusing to see people rememberinng thir youth when they get older, but what can be said about young people today is that the day will sutely came when they will have to struggle between the grave and this world.
When I lived in England a long time ago, I stood in the town hating England just as Heine did, and today, as I left Shuzenji, I also stood in the same gray air.



桃花馬上少年時。　笑拠銀鞍払柳枝。
緑水至今迢逓去。　月明来照鬢如糸。


　・桃花馬上少年の時
　・笑って銀鞍に拠りて柳枝を払う
　・緑水今に至って迢逓と去り
　・月明来たりて照らす鬢糸のごときを
　
　Young man riding a chestnut horse.
　The cool young man whips on his silver saddle.
　The green river meanders away.
　The moonlight shines on my thrad-like white hair.


　３２

　ひとまず帰京.　　He returns to Tokyo without having recovered.
After two weeks of hardship,,I ride on a gondola designed by a doctor from Shuzenji.　I lay there gazing blankly at the sky..The doctor created a gondola for me since I couldn't walk.As soon as I was embraced and boarded the gondola, I realized that this was my funeral.The gondola carriage arrived..When the carriage started to move.
However,Large rocks, pine trees, and a river appeared before me.. annd, I could feel the progression of the seasons in the bamboo groves, red persimmon leaves, and potato leaves.It brought me back to life..
However, I thought I would live! I was happy to imagine that a new world would be opening up in my home as I returned home..At that moment,The gloomy thoughts that had been swirling around in my head until yesterday have disappeared somewhere.


　万事休時一息回。　余生豈忍比残灰。
　風過古澗秋声起。　日落幽篁瞑色来。
　漫道山中三月滞。　巨知門外一天開。　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　帰期勿後黄花節。　恐有羇魂夢旧苔。
　

　・万事休するとき一息回る
　・余生豈忍びんや残灰に比するときに
　・風は古い谷川を過ぎ秋の深さを感じさせる
　・日は深い竹藪に降ちて夕暮れの景色にかわる
　・ただ山の中に３月いたのみであるが
　・豈図らんや我が心の他に新天地が開けた
　・帰るのはもちろん９月９日の祭りが終わってから
　・おそらく菊の節句までは寝ぼけた古い記憶を蘇生しむるであろう


◎Soseki returned to Tokyo on October 11th, which is September 9th on the lunar calendar..
Narrowly escaping death and regaining consciousness..The rest of my life is compared to ashes.
The wind
passes over
the old valley stream
and
moves
the autumn disappearing.

The sun
sinks
into the bamboo grove
and
the sky
turns
orange.

To be honest,
I
only stayed
in the mountains
for
three months.

It was very unexpected,
but it's
as if
another heaven
has opened
in my heart.

Of course
I will be
returning
to Tokyo
on
September 9th.

Perhaps
September 9th
will
bring back
old memories.　

　３３　

　Soseki reminisces about spending New Year's Eve in hospital

　Calling the nurse Itachi.
　In the spring of 1911, the south-facing veranda was naturally opened up.
　He was discharged from hospital on February 26th.

　However.

　Some people
　were unable to
　leave the hospital.
　
　The patient
　rom the north country
　became ill soon after being admitted,
　ｓo his son discharged him
　on New Year's Eve,
　but he died on the train on the way home.

　The patient i
　n the next room over
　said,
　"Once you give up on life, there's no fear of death,"
　and
　died quietly.

　When
　I asked Itachi
　"He was dead before I knew it."
　about the ulcer patient's high-pitched
　cough getting weaker each day,
　ｈe replied
　that he had died
　of exhaustion.

　Cancer patients are terrible

　He was lashing out
　at the attendant,
　icking and hitting him,
　and
　was then crying
　ｉn the bathroom.

　Some esophageal cancer patients
　called in
　doctors from outside the hospital,
　and
　some were so strong
　ｔhat
　they fought the cancer
　ｗith moxibustion
　and
　drinking herbal decoctions.

　irony
　Socrates says,
　"By repeatedly questioning those
　who
　pretend to know
　and
　pretend to be ignorant,
　you can expose their ignorance
　and make the world aware
　of their ignorance."

　Although
　all of Soseki's memories
　of his time in the hospital
　have vanished,
　he is haunted
　by the contrast
　between
　his state in the hospital
　and
　his present-day self.

　　　　　　　　『kazunomiya otome』

Even if we cannot at once perceive anything good in a book which
has been adomired and praised for handreds of years, we may be sure
that by trying, by studying it carefully, we shall at last be able to feel
the reason of this admiration and praise.
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　”Life and Literature"
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　L.Hearn

『硝子戸の中』へのリンク
次回、「漱石会」は５月１２日（月）ｐ、ｍ２：００
『行人』１章「友達」２章「兄」を有吉佐和子記念館にて読んだ後、。
漱石が和歌山に来た当時の写真をスライドにして映写会を進めるに
添えて「漱石会」会員の溝端氏の解説を６月に別の場所で企画して
いるます。６月２日、９日、１６日、２３日、３０日のいずれかにするか
決定しましょう。
　　
エピソード

　慶応2年徳川１４代将軍家茂が亡くなると、時代は休息に変化しはじめた。
そのことは町人たちの例年の挨拶に見られ、ひとまず「相変わらず」という
年始の挨拶を交わしていたけれども、本当はすべてのできごとが休息に
「相変わり」つつあり、そのことは誰の眼にも明らかであった。例をあげると
消費者物価はうなぎのぼりに高騰し、いっこうに下がる気配がなかった。
そして、将軍外征中に江戸の治安は悪化して、押し入り強盗の数が激増
していた。

　牛込馬場下の夏目小兵衛の家に、黒装束の８人組が押し入って、50両
あまりの小判を強奪していったのはこのころであった。爾来、柱を切り組に
しってその中に有り金を隠すことにした。

　漱石は以上のような想い出が残像にあり、題名を『硝子の中』としたのか、
家屋の出入口は雨戸を閉じずに硝子戸のだけでも安眠できる夜の中を夢
見ていたのだろうか。

1997july17 Flight800
　
The crew of 1986.June 12 Flight 123, who refused to give up until the very last moment.


・２０２４、１２，８　河合　潤　京都大学名誉教授の講義を拝聴。
・Chief Isozaki of Wakayama Higashi Police Station told me that he was in charge of the Wakayama Curry and Rice Case, but that was a fallacy.
・The Curry and Rice scandal has shown the world the level of sophism of the police officers who believed his sophistry and investigated the case.
・I realized that this was a plot to fabricate a suspect, taking advantage of the fact that most people in Japan cannot understand the logic behind logarithmic calculations taught in Mathematics II at high schools.
・The person who fabricated the evidence was Assistant Professor Hiroshi Yamauchi, who said that the report that Professor Nakai had examined was his own.
・Dr. Kawai Jun's lecture proceeds in this manner, but from here on out, the content is at the level of a scientist who has been continuing research for around 10 years since graduating from a doctoral program at university, so I will skip it.
・If you really want to know more, please see "Wakayama Curry and Rice Arsenic Case: Judicial Misconduct as Seen in the Verdict."

・However, Dr. Kawai Jun gave an explanation that even those who graduated from liberal arts universities could understand.


　　【48mm ruling】
Radiation makes it difficult to distinguish between As and Pb. ”ＷＡＫＡＹＡＭＡ　Ｃｕｒｒｙ　ａｎｄ　Ｒｉｃｅ　Ｃａｓｅ　Ａｒｓｅｎｉｃ　Ｃａｓｅ：Ｊｕｄｉｃａｌ　Ｍｉｓｃｏｎｄｕｃｔ　ａｓ　Ｓｅｅｎ　ｉｎ　ｔｈｅ　Ｖｅｒｄｉｃｔ”ｐ３８
・Professor Nakai of Tokyo University of Science apparently measured the peaks of the elements lead and arsenic in the same place.　（２０〜２１KeV）
・Professor Nakai irradiated the specimen with 12.2 and 12.9 KeV
beams, which are not affected by lead（Pｂ）．


　　Dr. Kawai had doubts about this method of identification.
A while after, A housewife from wakayama was found to have received more than 168 million yen from an insurance company.

She was arrested on suspicion of knowingly puttingarsenic (As) in food served to customers.
Her husband and his mahjong friends were among the victims.
They were pre-insured by her but got sick or died after eating.and what does this have to do with Cary and Rice Muder?
In the kitchen, a plastic container was found with arsenic (As)　on the surface (hereafter referred to as sample F).【X-Ray Spectrometry 】
It was because her husband was a professional exterminator of white ants.
He bought arsenic (As)　in green drums [specimen A] imported from China from N around 1983.
Sample A was then divided and used five times over the next 15 years,
They were then housed with their relatives and friends (Mr M and Mr T).
The Wakayama police seized a total of eight arsenic (As) as evidence,






　　

　　　　　　　　　　【Logarithmic Tricks】
・Assistant Professor Yamauchi, who was requested by the National Research Institute of Police Science, was told that he had multiplied the figures by 1 million and performed logarithmic calculations.
・This uses a calculation method that makes large and small objects look the same.

Logarithms, which most people will have forgotten, were taught in high school maths.

正確に言うと2を底とする8の対数は3(2を3乗すると8)、2を底とする5の対数はlog25(2をlog25乗すると5)となりますね。
逆に考えると、2log25=5とも書くことができます.。
logはどんな対数も表現できるすごい記号なんです！こんな便利なlogですが使うときには注意が必要で、
X=logabについて、底aは0<aかつa≠1を満たす必要があります。また、b>0も満たさなければなりません(真数条件)。
対数logの重要公式について

@logAAm=mについて
これは、(ア)底と真数が同じ値ならばその対数は1となる性質と、(イ)真数の指数はlogの前に出すことができる性質を利用したものです。
(ア)の例を挙げるとlog22=1となります。どんな数を1乗しても値は変わりませんから当然ですね。(イ)の例を挙げるとlog234=4log23となります。
真数に累乗がついていたら、それをlogの前に持ってこれるということですね！
@AB
この三つの性質はそれぞれ、1乗するとそのまま、0乗すると1になる、-1乗すると分数になるという性質からきていますね。
D、Eの性質は非常に重要です。
logの真数が掛け算で表されていたらそれぞれ足し算に分けることができ、真数が割り算で表されていたらそれぞれ引き算に
直すことができます。証明は省略しますが、対数の計算などで非常によく出てくるので確実に押さえましょう！
FこれはB,Eを応用したものです。
G真数の累乗はlogの前に出せる性質を応用したものです。
H\sqrt[R]{M}=M^\frac{1}{R}と表すことができることからきています。
IJこれらは、底の変換公式という非常に重要な公式です。
こちらも証明は省略しますが、この二つの式を使うと自由に底を変換できるので、計算問題などで大活躍しますよ！
logの定義と@DEIを押さえておけばどの式も導けるようになるので、各自で使い方などを練習してみてくださいね！
https://juken-mikata.net/参照してください。
I have a liberal arts college education,Log 10 = 1, Log 100 = 10, Log 1000 = 3. A 10-fold difference can only be understood as a logarithmic difference of 1.Professor Kawai noted that they continued to equate the National Police Science Research Institute's various arsenic acids with logarithmic rhetoric.
In other words, raw data.@Several arsenic acids were found in Hayashi's house.AIn their logarithmic rhetoric, this differs from the values of arsenite.This has already been explained in detail in the 2016 Quarterly Journal of Criminal Defence (no. 80p. 164).
First, the amount of sample （sample F） on the plastic ontainer is too small.
This was not possible with the conventional analysis techniques of the National Research Institute of Science and Police of the National Police Agency.
Another was the failure to sample arsenic (As), which the police had assumed was contained in the cooked curry rice [Sample １].
The third is a section on possible arsenic elements.and it is therefore suitable for identification.
JCP-AES results on sample G. [arsenic in papercups] and A-E.that had enough quantity.
.警察庁科学警察研究所が実施したものである。It was conducted by the National Research Institute of Police Science.
As a result, their suggestion
Based on the quantitative data for Se, Sn, Sb, Pb and Bi, it is reasonable to assume that G and A-E are of the same origin.
[Seセレン] 「Snスズ] [Pb鉛] [Biビスマス]
However, Sample I (curry) and Sample F (plastic container oft the defedant's kichitin) could not be Analysed.
As sample I is the cause of the murder, analysis of I and F is essential.The only evidence linking the defendant to arsenic is the evidence in F.
The offence was considered to be unsolvable if the specimens I and F were not identified, which was not the case,
Although there was circumstantial evidence of a crime.
After that, The Public Prosecutor's office asked me to identify these samples.
As noted above,
ICP-AES analysis revealed the following
contained 35-62 pomBi [A-E and G].（『鑑定不正』図表５科研丸茂鑑定書結果）
第３５回公判で科警研鈴木真一技官の証人尋問調書（２００年７月１４日）ｐｐ、４３−４４においてＣの濃度が訂正された。
[Seセレン] 「Snスズ][Sbアンチモン] [Pb鉛] [Biビスマス]
　１９９８年１２月の中井Spring8鑑定のすこし前に行われた科警研鑑定では、証拠亜ヒ酸A〜E とGに含まれる元素Na,Mg,Al, Si,P,Cr,Mn,Fe,Se,Sn,Sb,Pb,Bi,As,Caを
セイコーインスツルメンツ社製ICP-AES装置で最初に１回分析し、A〜Eについては「外界由来の汚染や、他の物質の添加による変動が予想された元素を除いたSe,
Sn,Sb,Bi」を指標元素としてさらに４回試料採取を繰り返して分析し、異同識別鑑定を行った。科捜研は澱粉なども鑑定したが、ヨウ素デンプン反応と赤外線吸収分光
による澱粉の有無が一致せず、鑑定書の記載ミスなのか、本当に不一致だったのか否かは明らかではない。

　　　　　　　

Samples [A-E and G] were found to contain 35-62 mm Bi by ICP-AES analysis as mentioned above
.Detailed below at p, 62.

Prof Nakai cannot select the best line of synchrotron radiation facilities without knowing the impurity elements [Se, Sn, Sb, Pb, Bi].
Detailed below at p,64.
This is true. We chose the Spring-8 BLO8W to analyse Bi based on the K-line. p.64
Professor Nakai says this is because he was able to pre-study and then continue analysing in Spring 8.
Therefore, the Nakai civil trial court comment
‘The only thing I referred to in the forensic examination was the fact that the Bi was detected’
is fictitious.

・以上が、『和歌山カレーヒ素事件判決に見る裁判官の不正』　河合　潤　著　の内容です。
1970年代以来、ビスマスは、水道管から釣り錘、はんだ、弾丸まで、鉛の代替品
としてますます使用されてきました。 鉛フリーのプラズマテレビやプラズマディスプレイにもビスマスが組み込まれています。
44.5％の鉛および55.5％のビスマスを含有する鉛ビスマス共晶（LBE）合金が、いくつかの原子炉における冷却材として
使用されている。最終用途の範囲にもかかわらず、冶金学的用途は、ビスマスの年間総需要の約3分の1しか占めていない。
ビスマスの化学物質は、
医薬品（硝酸塩および炭酸塩）、化粧品（オキシ塩化ビスマス）および色素産業（サブサリチル酸ビスマス）で大量に使用。

ビスマスは原子番号83，質量数208の(半)金属元素である．和名でと呼ばれる通り，く美しい結晶を持ち，レアメタルでありながら安価で入手可能である．
ビスマス化合物は日本薬局方に収載されており，次硝酸ビスマスおよび次没食子酸ビスマスはともに剤・剤などの医療用医薬品としても使用されている．
ビスマスは，周期表上で隣接しているヒ素，アンチモン，スズや鉛と比較して毒性が低いものと考えられているが，
有機ビスマス化合物のなかには強い細胞毒性を有するものも存在する．
例えば藤原らは，合成した7種類の有機ビスマス化合物の細胞毒性を評価したところ，特定の構造を有するトリフェニルビスマス誘導体が
細胞種に選択的な毒性を示すことを見いだした．
興味深いことに，このビスマスを同族のアンチモンに置換した化合物では，その細胞毒性は消失した．
有機ビスマス／アンチモン化合物ではその毒性の傾向が無機元素とは逆転することも示されており，その毒性は必ずしも中心金属だけに依存しない．

このような強い細胞毒性を有する有機ビスマス化合物は，抗がん剤としての活用も期待されている．
Chanらは，3種類のジチオカルバメート−ビスマス(V)錯体(図1)を合成して，ヒト乳がん上皮細胞MCF-7に対する細胞毒性を比較解析した結果を報告している．
合成したいずれのビスマス錯体も，肺がん細胞MCF-7に対して強い傷害性を示し(IC50：1.07〜25.37μM)，
これは既存の抗がん剤シスプラチン(IC50：30.53μM)より強いものであった．
ビスマス錯体はユビキチン−プロテアソームの阻害作用を示すことで，カスパーゼ-7の活性化を介したアポトーシスが，その機構の一端を担うことが示唆された．
この作用は，無機ビスマスや配位子ジチオカルバメートより強い作用を有しており，ジチオカルバメート−ビスマス錯体の細胞毒性は
，錯体構造の構築によって発現することが示唆される．特に，配位子末端(R基)の種類だけでなく，チオール基のキレート作用が分子間相互作用にも影響して，
これらが錯体分子の溶解性と脂溶性の向上および細胞内の標的分子へのビスマスの輸送に関与することが示唆される．

なお，本稿は下記の文献に基づいて，その研究成果を紹介するものである.

1) Fujiwara Y. et al., J. Health Sci., 51, 333-340(2005).

2) Goncalves A. et al., Int. J. Mol. Sci., 25, 1600(2024).

3) Chan P. F. et al., J. Biol. Inorg. Chem., 29, 217-241(2024).

また、砒素の勘弁な検出法については『四人はなぜ死んだのか』三好万季著の中で紹介している。
≪まず砒素の入ったカレーに塩酸と銅片を入れ、十五分間加熱する。すると銅片の表面に砒素の皮膜ができる。この砒素の皮膜を試験管に入れて、
　直火であぶると、キラキラ光る砒素の結晶が現れてくる。≫

　　　　　


　　　　　　　『彼岸過ぎ迄』　

Natsume SMseki's novel Until the Other Shore is made up of several short stories.

The main plot outline is as follows:

It depicts the daily life of KeitarM Tagawa, a young man seeking employment. Having graduated from university, he is unable to secure steady work. Through his interactions with fellow lodgers such as Morimoto, KeitarM glimpses aspects of society and life.

He becomes embroiled in his friend's affairs: Through his university friend IchizM Sunaga, a wealthy young man, KeitarM is asked by Sunaga's uncle Taguchi, a businessman, to follow and investigate a certain individual.

Sunaga's romantic troubles with his cousin Chiyoko: The woman he encounters during the investigation is Chiyoko, Sunaga's cousin and betrothed. The narrative then shifts its focus to the complex and indecisive romantic relationship between the introverted and self-conscious Sunaga and the proactive and pure-hearted Chiyoko.

The Background to Sunaga's Torment: Sunaga's refusal to marry Chiyoko stems from the secrets surrounding his birth and inner turmoil, as revealed by relatives such as Matsumoto.

Inner Journey and Conclusion: Initially yearning for adventure abroad, Keitaro ends up exploring his friend Sunaga's inner world. As the story draws to a close, Sunaga embarks on a solitary journey, showing signs of breaking free from his introverted self and beginning to take an interest in the wider world.

This work is the first instalment of Soseki's 'Late Trilogy', depicting the anguish of modern intellectuals who are overwhelmed by self-consciousness and complex human relationships. It tells the story of the romance between an indecisive man and an innocent woman.


Translated with DeepL.com (free version).


　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　
登場人物 居住地（エリア） 主な役割
田川 敬太朗 本郷台町 (下宿) 物語前半の主人公。市電で神田方面へ移動。
須永 市蔵 神田小川町近辺 敬太朗の友人。市電停留所の近くに住む。
田口 神田小川町近辺 須永の叔父。敬太朗の就職を仲介。
松本 小川町から尾行した先 田口の義弟。「三田方面」からの市電で小川町に来る。
接続区間 意味合い
本郷 ? 神田小川町 敬太朗の通勤・用件ルート：敬太朗が下宿から、須永や田口に会うために利用する日常的なルート。
三田方面 ? 神田小川町 松本の登場ルート：松本（探偵対象）が小川町停留所に降り立つ際に利用した長距離の幹線。
小川町停留所 物語の中心地：すべての人物が集まり、物語の重要な「探偵ごっこ」が展開される交差点。
　　



　　　　

　　風呂の後

　１
　　　　　　　It was a little past ten by the bathhouse clock. The washing area, however, was spotless, not even a small wooden pail in sight. There was only one person in the tub, lying sideways and placidly stirring the water while watching the sunlight that poured in through the glass. This man was Morimoto, Keitaro’s fellow boarder.

　２
　　　　　　　〆ou really should have seen this morning's view, you sleepy one. The sun was absolutely beating down, but there was a ton of mist, you know? When you looked right through the tram from here, you could distinctly see every passenger, like a silhouette on a paper screen (shoji). And since the sun was behind them, every single one of those people looked like a gray monster. It was an incredibly strange sight.”　Morimoto has said.

　３
　　　　　　　　
　　Keitaro's curiosity about Morimoto is perhaps more appropriately directed at the latter's past than his present. Keitaro once heard Morimoto speak about the time when he was a rekkitoshita head of a his wife. He also heard about his wife, and the death of the child they had together. Keitaro still remembers his words: "The brat's death, well, that sort of saved me. I was truly terrified of the mountain god's curse (sanjin no tatari), you see."

　４

During his student days, Keitaro had already envisioned rubber tree plantations in Singapore. Back then, he could not stop imagining himself as the cultivation supervisor, living in a single-storey bungalow surrounded by millions of rubber trees, which seemed poised to fill the boundless wilderness. He planned to leave the floor of the bungalow deliberately bare and lay a large tiger skin upon it. Buffalo horns would adorn the walls, alongside his rifle and Japanese sword, still sheathed in its brocade scabbard. He imagined himself reclining on a rattan chair on the wide veranda, wrapped in a pure white turban and puffing leisurely on a strongly scented Havana cigar. Beneath his feet would be a black Sumatran cat ? a strange creature with velvety fur, eyes like pure gold and a tail far longer than its own height ? crouched with its back arched like a mountain.

Morimoto, who was an expert on rubber and had taught Keitaro various things, warned him that it wouldn't be long before the supply of rubber produced in that area would exceed global demand, causing a severe panic among cultivators. After that, Keitaro never spoke a word about rubber again.

　・Conversation between Morimoto and Keitaro

　　Morimoto had said:　"If I may be so bold, you have only just left school and know nothing of the real world. No matter how much you flaunt your qualifications, I'm not the sort of person to be intimidated. I've got my feet firmly planted in the real world.' He made this blunt assessment, seemingly having forgotten entirely the great respect he had shown for education just moments before.Then, as if in a fit of despair, he let out a sigh like a belch, lamenting his own ignorance with such a pitiful a

　 Morimoto said, ‘Right then, I'll just pop out for a wee,’ and went out into the corridor.However, even after waiting for ten minutes, the adventurer still showed no sign of appearing. Unable to bear the wait any longer, KeitarM finally went downstairs to look for him himself, but there was no trace of Morimoto anywhere.

　‘Well, I've been working on the railways for three years now, but I've had enough. I reckon I'll quit soon. Though if I don't quit myself, they'll just sack me anyway. Three years is a long time for me, you see.’ Morimoto said

　
　　

　To be perfectly honest, KeitarM had indeed approached Morimoto quite recently with a certain admiration in his heart. However, he was uneasy about the future now that such practical matters were perceived as requiring secret consultations.

　As you know, I'm a poor student who has just left school and doesn't have a steady job yet. Nevertheless, I am a man who has received some education. Being lumped together with vagrants like Morimoto is rather insulting. Moreover, to suspect me of having some kind of shady connection behind my back and to persistently doubt me no matter how many times I say I know nothing about it is rather suspicious, don't you think? If you feel that way about a guest who's been staying for two years, that's fine. I have my own sense of propriety. I've been a burden on your household for the past two years, but have I ever been a day late with my lodging money?"Keitaro said.

　

　You must have been startled when I vanished so suddenly. Even if you weren't, Raijk and Zuku?those two?were certainly taken aback. To be perfectly honest, I'd fallen a bit behind on my lodging fees. I thought Raijk and Zuku would make a fuss if I mentioned it, so I deliberately didn't refuse and took the liberty of leaving. Once I've sorted out the belongings left in my room?the trunk is packed full of clothes and other items, so it should fetch a decent sum. Therefore, I'd like you to tell them both to either sell it or wear it themselves. Mind you, being the cunning fellow he is, he may well have already made such arrangements without waiting for my permission. What's more, if I approach this too smoothly, he might present you with the outrageous demand that you wipe my still-dirty backside clean. Under no circumstances must you entertain such a request. You see, those like you, fresh out of higher education and stepping into the world, tend to be the sort of prey that creatures like the Thunder Beast fancy devouring. You really must be careful about that sort of thing. I may lack education, but I certainly know better than to default on a debt. I fully intend to repay it next year. If you should harbour suspicions about me merely because I possess a few unexpected experiences in my background, it would be tantamount to losing a dear friend. That would be a profoundly regrettable outcome. I earnestly beg you not to misunderstand me because of such a lowly creature as a thunder beast.
　Morimoto stated that he was currently working as an amusement attendant at the Electric Park in Dalian. He confirmed that he would be travelling to the capital next spring to purchase motion pictures. He added that he was looking forward to seeing me again after such a long time.
Electrical Park in Dalian

　I bought that plum tree in a pot from the Dozaka nursery. The trunk isn't particularly old, but it's just the right size to sit on my lodgings' windowsill and gaze at the view in the morning and evening. I will give it to you, so please take it to your room. However, having received it, I've probably already let it wither away. You should also find my walking stick in the umbrella stand by the entrance hall. It certainly wasn't expensive, but it was a favourite of mine, so I'd like to offer it to you as a keepsake. Even if the Thunder Beast and the Zuk were to take that Western-style cane, I doubt they'd complain. Please don't hesitate to take it. Use it. Manchuria, and Dalian in particular, is an exceedingly fine place. For a promising young man like you, there's hardly a better place to develop at the moment. Why not take the plunge and come? Since I arrived here, I have made quite a few acquaintances among the South Manchuria Railway people. If you do intend to come, I should be able to arrange considerable assistance for you. However, if you do decide to come, please give me a little advance notice. Farewell.



　A　停留所　　

　‘You know, I used to think education was a kind of right, but it's really just a kind of bondage. What good is any right if you graduate from school only to struggle to put food on the table? And if you think that means you can do whatever you like without a care for your standing, well, you still have to care. Damn it, education really does tie people down.’ He sometimes sighs as if in pain.

　Sunaga asked, “So, what would you like to try?” Leaving aside the matter of food and clothing.”

　Keitaro replied that he wanted to try doing something like what detectives at the Metropolitan Police do.
Keitaro earnestly explained why he could not become a detective. For a detective is essentially a social diver, plunging beneath the surface of society to its depths; scarcely any other profession so profoundly captures the mysteries of humanity. Moreover, their position requires only observing the dark side of others, without the danger of becoming corrupted themselves ? undoubtedly a more convenient arrangement. Yet, alas, its very purpose lies in exposing crime; it is a profession founded upon the deliberate intent to ensnare people. Such wickedness is beyond him. I wish only to observe, with a sense of wonder, the manner in which the abnormal mechanisms of human beings operate in the darkest night.―For example, something like what happened to Yasuhiro Horiuchi on 17 September 2025 was reported by Bunshun Online.
The chapter that follows the bath scene focuses on the friendship between KeitarM and Morimoto, while the scene at the petrol station showcases the bond between KeitarM and Sunaga. As the story progresses, it becomes clear that Sunaga arranged KeitarM's employment exactly as he wanted.

　
　KeitarM visited Sunaga's house, unable to tell whether he was genuinely serious or merely restless and agitated.

　Keitaro stood for a while before Sunaga's gate. Rather than quietly peering over the wall to observe the movements of the woman who had just entered, he intended to imagine what romantic tales Sunaga and this woman might be weaving together. Yet, he still kept his ears pricked. Inside, however, it remained as silent as ever. Not a single seductive female voice, not even a cough, could be heard.

‘A fiancee, perhaps?’

　

　Sunaga had been due to meet his uncle this morning, but having caught a sore throat, he had postponed going out. He replied that he would likely be able to go within four or five days, and that he would certainly speak to him then.

　

　Sunaga, on the other hand, had deliberately chosen topics that would pander to Keitaro's curiosity. He told Keitaro that the backstreets near his own train station were divided like dice pips by tiny houses and narrow lanes. This area was home to nameless city dwellers, and every household performed plays that never rose to the upper echelons of theatre.

　My uncle mentioned he might be travelling to Osaka on business within the next four or five days, so I phoned to ask if I could see him before he left, thinking it best not to delay too long. He replied that it would be fine, so I suppose if I intend to go, it would be best to do so as soon as possible. That was the message from Sunaga.

　When he reached Ogawa-cho, he felt a strong urge to alight from the train and go to Sunaga's front door to verify the facts from his friend's own lips. Yet, finding no reason beyond simple curiosity to engage in such intrusive questioning, he restrained himself and immediately transferred to the Mita Line.
　The area around UchisaiwaichM during the Meiji period was a particularly splendid and significant district within Tokyo, symbolising both “civilisation and enlightenment” and “international exchange” amidst the city's advancing modernisation.　In stark contrast to the shanty town on the back street where Sunaga lived, this area was like the main entrance to Westernised Tokyo.　This area featured Western-style stone and brick buildings such as the Rokumeikan and banks lining the main streets, yet just one step into the back alleys revealed traditional Japanese wooden houses and dirt roads where rickshaws still passed.　However, the area around Uchisaiwaicho and Hibiya at that time was, before the construction of the Rokumeikan, the site of the vast former residence of the Satsuma domain. In the early Meiji period, a museum was also established there, meaning the landscape was in a transitional phase, gradually transforming into that of a modern city.　Consequently, the slum where Sunaga lived, known as the “backstreets behind the railway”, and the splendid Western-style buildings of this “UchisaiwaichM” clearly demonstrated the stark contrast in social class and civilisation within Tokyo at that time.　These phenomena have persisted to the present day. They have continued under the guise of station redevelopment plans.

　When he reached Ogawa-cho, he felt a strong urge to alight from the train and go to Sunaga's front door to verify the facts from his friend's own lips. Yet, finding no reason beyond simple curiosity to engage in such intrusive questioning, he restrained himself and immediately transferred to the Mita Line.
　
　　

Look at this. When twisted together like this, one thread becomes two strands, and two strands become one thread, don't they? There's the flashy red and the plain navy blue. In youth, one tends to rush headlong towards the flashy, often making mistakes and failing. But yours, for now, seem to be tangled together just as well as this twisted thread, perfectly balanced. You are fortunate.

　How should we proceed? Well, divination merely reveals the broad outlines through the principles of yin and yang. In practice, each person simply has to adapt their thinking to those broad outlines when faced with a situation. But that's just the way it is. You are waiting for something that is both like yourself and like others; something that is both long and short; something that both emerges and creeps in. So, when the next incident occurs, remember this above all else. Then things will go smoothly.

　　　
　

‘I have heard a little about you from IchizM, but what sort of person are you hoping for?’ Taguchi asked.
‘I have hope in all directions,’ KeitarM replied.

　At last, the long-awaited envelope was in his hands. He tore open the seal with a sharp snap. Without pausing for breath, he read the scroll from end to end in one go and gasped faintly in surprise. The task assigned to him was even more romantic than his cherished fantasies. The letter's wording was simple, of course; not a word beyond the task itself was written.

　Between four and five o'clock today, a man of about forty, travelling by train from the Mita area, alighted at the Ogawa-cho stop. He is a tall, thin gentleman wearing a black fedora and a marbled overcoat, with a long face. He has a large mole between his eyebrows, which serves as a distinguishing mark. Investigate his movements within two hours of him alighting from the train and report back.

　Keitaro decided that he should at least go and see the station. Glancing at his watch, he saw that it was only just past one o'clock. As he would arrive at least half an hour before four, leaving home at three would suffice, giving him two hours' leeway.

　Look at this. When twisted together like this, one thread becomes two strands and two strands become one thread. Does it not? There you have it: the flashy red and the plain navy blue. When we're young, we tend to rush headlong towards the flashy, often making mistakes. But yours seem to be intertwined just as neatly as these twisted threads ? perfectly balanced. How fortunate you are.' Come to think of it, this echoes what the fortune-teller said.・・・・・・And then she gave me some advice.

‘What should I do?　I said..

‘What should you do?’ Well, divination merely reveals the broad outlines through the principles of yin and yang. In practice, each person must adapt their thinking to these broad outlines when faced with a situation. But that's just how it is. You are waiting for something that is both like and unlike yourself; something that is both long and short; something that emerges and retreats. So, when the next incident occurs, remember this above all else. Then things will go smoothly.”・・・・・・
Soseki, however, took a different view; he wrote of KeitarM's heart in chapters twenty-two and twenty-three.

　　　KeitarM had realised something. It was his own carelessness.

　　To alight at Ogawa-cho after passing through Marunouchi from the Mita direction, one may proceed straight ahead along the main street at Kanda Bridge and turn left to disembark at the stop where Keitaro Ima stands; alternatively, turning right allows one to alight in front of the pottery shop he had just inspected.

　　If he turns right again, he can alight in front of the pottery shop he had just inspected a moment ago.

　

　Since both were written in white paint as 'Ogawa-machi Stop', the man in the black fedora who was following him could not possibly know which direction to disembark in.

　　In his desperation, he suddenly thought of a last-ditch measure: perhaps he should go and seek Suna's assistance. But the clock was already ticking down to seven minutes to four.　

　　Sunaga lives just down this back lane, but even if I factor in the time it takes to dash to the gate and grab a bite to eat, it seems utterly impossible to make it in time.

　　　　

　　　　

　

‘I can't tonight, I've got something to do.’

　‘What kind of’　

　‘It's important business; I can't tell you.’

　“Oh, I know everything. After keeping me waiting all this time!”

　‘It's already late tonight, so?’

　"It's not too late! If we take the train, we'll be there iIt's not too late. We'll be there in no time if we take the train.n no time.”

　・・・・・・　The woman eventually broke the silence and spoke.　

　In that case, you don't have to go, but you'll give me that/it.

　In that case, you don't have to go, but you'll give me .

　{Look, that thing?the one I mentioned the other day. You understand, don't you?

　I have no idea.

　Stop pretending you don't know!　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

　

　The thing you showed me the other day. You know what I mean, don't you?

　
　It's not here.

　
　Could you give it to me later/next time?

　
　If you want it that badly, I suppose I can give it to you…　

　　　　

　
　Keitaro ordered him to follow the other rickshaw. "Very good, sir," the rickshaw man replied, and he dashed off recklessly. After running down one street to the police box at Yadaicho, the coolie stopped his shafts again and asked, "Master, where are we going?" The other rickshaw, though Keitaro strained to look out from under his own hood, was nowhere to be seen. Keitaro, still leaning on his cane in the carriage, was lost and confused by the sound of the rain.


　B　報告
　


　Did he have a mole between his eyebrows?
　He got off at Ogawamachi between four and five, didn't he?
　Yes, that's right.
　He really got off at Ogawamachi between four and five, is that right?
　I don't know the exact minute, but it was past five.
　It was past five. I said you should be there between four and five, so why did you stay there after five?

　　　
　
"Are you a married man, sir?" Keitaro felt compelled to ask this, for some reason, to the man who called himself a "higher idler."
Matsumoto replied, "Yes, I have many children," and gave a sudden puff of smoke from the pipe Keitaro had completely forgotten he was holding.

　　　　"Your wife, sir...?"
　　　　"My wife, naturally. Why do you ask?"
　　　　"I simply wanted to know if someone of your disposition could manage a domestic life, like everyone else."
　　　　"My life, domestic... Is it because I am a KMtM Ykmin [higher idler] that you question it?"
　　　　"It's not exactly for that reason, but I just had a feeling and couldn't help but ask."
　　　　 "A higher idler is more concerned with his home life than Taguchi is."
　　　　 "Matsumoto then happened to ask, 'You look as if you've never given thought to that kind of issue.'
　　　　　"That's right, I haven't thought about it in the slightest."
　　　　　"You don't need to consider it, do you? Not while you're living alone in a lodging house. But even living alone, surely you think 　　　　　about the broad issue of man versus woman?"

　　　　　　

　　　
　　 "Well, I was just returning from visiting Sunaga."
　　 "While I was talking at Taguchi's,"
　　 "that girl called" （chiyoko）
　　"saying she would be waiting for me there around half-past four, and asked me to stop by on my way back."
　　 "she insisted vehemently"
　　 "he had told her, '...lie in wait for him at the tram stop, and don't let him get away until you go together to buy it,' so she had been waiting here for some time."
　　 "I thought I'd try to placate her with some Western food,"
　　 "and in the end, I took her to a restaurant."

　　C　雨の降る日　　Distinguishing between Soseki's position and status
　

The reason Matsumoto refused to see visitors on rainy days eventually passed, and Keitaro never got the chance to hear it from the man himself for a long time. Keitaro, too, got caught up in other things and eventually forgot about it. He only happened to hear the reason much later, after he had secured a certain position through Taguchi's good offices, which allowed him to visit and leave the Taguchi household without reservation.

By that time, the experience at the tram stop had already begun to lose its novelty in his mind. He merely managed a bitter smile whenever Sunaga brought the topic up. Sunaga often pressed him, asking why he hadn't confided in him before the incident. He sometimes chastised Keitaro, saying he ought to have known from his mother that his uncle in Uchisaiwaicho was capable of trickery. Finally, he began to tease Keitaro, claiming it was because he was simply too flirtatious.

Keitaro always brushed him off with a "Don't be ridiculous," but inwardly, he consistently recalled the figure of the woman he had seen from behind at Sunaga's gate. He also remembered that this very woman was the one he had encountered at the tram stop. And he would feel a faint sense of embarrassment from somewhere far off. The fact that the woman's name was Chiyoko, and her younger sister's name was Momoyoko, was no longer new information to Keitaro.

　
　　After meeting Matsumoto and hearing all the inside details, Taguchi felt somewhat awkward about showing his face again. Yet, feeling compelled to do so to tie up loose ends, he steeled himself for ridicule and slipped through Taguchi's gate once more. Sure enough, Taguchi burst out laughing. Yet within that laughter, Keitaro interpreted not the prideful echo of self-satisfaction over his own cunning, but rather the triumphant joy of having guided a lost soul back onto the right path. Taguchi made no use whatsoever of words meant to make Keitaro feel indebted, such as “for your own good” or “a method of education.” He simply stated that since there had been no ill intent, there was no need for anger, and immediately promised to arrange a suitable position for him on the spot.





　When getting into the carriage, Chiyoko held a white urn in a cedar box on her lap. As the carriage started, a cold wind blew between the lap robe and the cedar box. Tall zelkova trees, with their pale trunks, lined both sides of the road, swaying their thin branches as if seeing them off and welcoming them. Chiyoko found it strange that the path she was on was unexpectedly bright, even though the thin branches crossed so thickly high above her head. From time to time, she would look up to gaze at the distant sky. Upon arriving home and placing the remains before the family altar, a child immediately came up and asked to see inside the lid, which she resolutely refused.

　Soon, the whole family gathered in the same room for lunch. "Looking at it this way, it seems there are still many children, but now one is missing," remarked Sunaga.

　"While she was alive, I didn't think so much of it, but now that she's gone, I feel she was the most precious. I almost wish someone among those here could take her place," Matsumoto said.

　"How cruel," Shigeko whispered to Sakiko.

　"Aunt, please try hard again and make a child exactly like Her. I'll cherish her."

　"It shouldn't be a child just like Yoiko, it must be Yoiko herself. Unlike teacups or hats, even if a replacement is made, it doesn't mean you forget the one you lost."

　"I've come to dislike the man who comes with a letter of introduction on a rainy day."


　　D　須永の話

　Ever since Keitaro caught a glimpse of the woman's back at Sunaga's gate, he had been unable to stop imagining the connection between Sunaga and Chiyoko.

　　It was a fact that he was momentarily baffled by the contradiction between his inner world and the outer reality of society when he happened to hear the talk of Chiyoko's marriage. He had learned the news from Saeki, a young student.

　"I always assumed Miss Chiyoko would marry Sunaga-kun, but that's not the case, is it?"
　"I doubt they will."
　"Why not?"
　"If you ask me why, I can't give you a clear answer, but it seems complicated just thinking about it."
　"Really? I figured they were a perfect match. They're cousins, and the age difference is only five or six years, which is quite normal."
　"Well, to an outsider, it might look that way. But it seems there are various complicated circumstances behind the scenes."
　

　"Tokyo people are so particular, aren't they? Do they make such a fuss when taking a wife, too?"
　"Anyone would if they could. It's not limited to Tokyo people. Even a country bumpkin like you would, I imagine.
　"Sunaga replied, maintaining a poker face.
　　Sunaga replied in a more subdued tone than usual, "It seems some new talk of a match has come up. I hope it works out well this time." But then he suddenly changed his manner of speaking, adding, "Well, you wouldn't know it, but there have been many such discussions before."
　"Are you not planning to take her as your wife?"
　"Do I look like I'm going to marry her?"
　
　

Two or three days before he died, my father called me to his bedside and said, "Ichizo, when I die, you'll have to depend on your mother. Do you understand?"
Moving the muscles of his emaciated face with an effort, my father said, "If you're as naughty as you are now, your mother won't look after you, you know. You need to be a little quieter.
"Suddenly, my mother placed her hand on my closely cropped head, fixed her swollen eyes on me, and said in a small voice, "Even though your father is gone, your mother will love you just as before, so don't worry."
I don't know how harmonious the relationship was between my father and mother. I haven't taken a wife yet, so I may not be qualified to speak on such matters, but since it's only human nature for even the best-matched couples to feel awkwardness occasionally, I imagine there were times when they too, living together for so long, discovered unpleasant flaws in each other's hearts and quietly endured dissatisfactions they never spoke of, either to each other or to the world.

　Now that I think of it, I might as well mention it here, but I wasn't an only son from birth. I remember playing every day with my sister, Tae-chan, when I was a child. She usually wore a hifu with a large pattern and her hair was cut short like a doll's. She always called me Ichizo-chan, Ichizo-chan, and never once called me niisan (older brother). This sister died of diphtheria some years before my father passed away

　.I still remember being teased by Matsumoto, who came to visit our house, with him asking if I had diphtheria too, and my answering, "No, I don't. I'm a soldier!"

　It is strange that I lacked attention toward my mother. If it is a habit of human nature to be more curious about others than oneself, it may be that my father appeared far more like a stranger to me than my mother did. To put it the other way, my mother was too close to me to be worth observing.
　
　My mother, typically for a woman educated in the old-fashioned way, holds the belief above all else that it is a child's first duty to raise the family name.
　I am not a man who can raise the family name in any sense. All I keep in my head is the knowledge to avoid disgracing it.
　What allows this selfishness of mine to continue as it is, is, needless to say, the small inheritance my father left behind.
　Taguchi was certainly not the influential man or the man of wealth that he is now. It was simply because he was a man of promise that my father arranged for my aunt?my mother's younger sister?to marry him.
　For whatever reason, my mother reportedly asked the Taguchis, "When she grows up, won't you let this child marry Ichizo?"
　Once, the following conversation passed between my aunt and me.
　"It's about time you started looking for a wife, isn't it, Ichizo? Your mother has been worried for quite a while, you know."
　"If you find someone suitable, please let my mother know."
　"For you, Ichizo, a quiet, gentle, and kind woman?something like a nurse?would be best, wouldn't she?"
　"Even if I looked for a wife like a nurse, I doubt anyone would be willing to marry me."
　Chiyoko suddenly lifted her head."Shall I go and do it for you?"
　My aunt did not even turn around to face Chiyoko. Then she said, "How could an outspoken, flighty girl like you ever appeal to Ichizo?"
　Chiyoko just laughed loudly and seemed amused.
　I asked my uncle, "Has Chiyoko's marriage arrangement been finalized yet?"?primarily to show him that I harbored no ulterior motives toward Chiyoko.
　"No, it doesn't look like it will be settled anytime soon. We keep getting people bringing proposals, but honestly, it's so complicated it's exhausting. What's more, the deeper you look, the more trouble it becomes, so I'm thinking we may just have to settle it at a decent level if we can. ?Marriage arrangements are a strange thing, you know. I'll tell you this now, because it's you: the truth is, when Chiyoko was born, your mother asked for her to be Ichizo's wife?and she was a newborn baby!"
　At this, my uncle laughed and looked at me.
　I wondered if I should offer a slight defense for my mother, assuming my uncle was indeed interpreting this matter so lightly. However, I immediately thought better of it and kept silent, reasoning that if this was a clever attempt by a man of the world to enlighten me, it would be foolish to utter even a single word. My uncle is a kind man, and also a man of the world. Even now, I do not know which viewpoint?kindness or worldly wisdom?to judge his words by. It is a fact, however, that from that time onward, I only inclined more strongly toward not marrying Chiyoko.
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　"You were far more thoughtful then, when you drew that for me, than you are today."
　"Yet you still carefully keep something like this tucked away."
　"I'm going to take it along when I go to be a bride."
　"But it's not a done deal, is it?"
　"It's not completely definite yet, is it?"
　Chiyoko picked up her bunko and stood up. As she slid open the shMji screen, she looked down at me from above and, after clearly declaring in a single breath, "That's a lie," she went out toward her own room.
　　　Once, D'Annunzio received an invitation to attend a certain gathering. As is the custom in the West, where literary figures are celebrated as ornaments of the state, D'Annunzio was treated like a great man by everyone present, receiving immense respect and admiration. While he was wandering around the crowd, drawing the attention of the entire hall to himself, he happened to drop his handkerchief near his feet. Due to the commotion, neither he nor those nearby noticed it at all.

Then, a beautiful young woman picked up the handkerchief from the floor and brought it to D'Annunzio. Intending to return it to him, she asked, "Is this yours?" D'Annunzio replied, "Thank you," but apparently feeling the need to show some gallantry toward her beauty, he said, "Keep it for yourself; I'm presenting it to you," speaking as if he were anticipating the girl's delight. Without a word in reply, the woman silently held the handkerchief by her fingertips, walked over to the stove, and abruptly tossed it into the fire. Apart from D'Annunzio himself, all those present at the gathering let out a subtle smile.

　When I heard this story, instead of picturing the beautiful Italian woman, I immediately pictured Chiyoko's eyes and eyebrows in her place. And I thought that if it hadn't been Chiyoko but her younger sister, Momoyo, she would undoubtedly have thanked him and gladly accepted the handkerchief on the spot. Chiyoko, however, simply cannot do that.

　Matsumoto's uncle gave the sisters nicknames, constantly calling them "Big Toad" and "Little Toad." He would often make them laugh or get angry by saying that their mouths?which were too long for the thinness of their lips?resembled a coin purse with a clasp.

　"My perpetual thought is: 'No emotion is as beautiful as a pure one. No beautiful thing is as powerful.'
　Every time I compare myself with Chiyoko, I invariably feel compelled to repeat the phrase, 'The fearless woman and the fearful man.' Ever since my uncle Matsumoto explained the distinction between poetry and philosophy to me, when I think of 'the fearless woman and the fearful man,' I am immediately reminded of poetry and philosophy, which seem so distant from my own life. If you ask me, the trait of the poet is to be fearless, and the fate of the philosopher is to be fearful.”
　Feeling sure there was a continuation to the narrative, Keitaro inquired of Sunaga when the most recent story had happened. Sunaga told him it was an incident from when he was about a junior in university.・・・・・・

　It was an event that took place during the summer vacation between my third and fourth years of university. As I was holed up on the second floor of my house, wondering how best to spend the heat of the summer, my mother came up from downstairs and suggested I go to Kamakura for a little while if I had some free time. Then, she took a letter from Chiyoko out of her pocket and showed it to me. It was co-signed by Chiyoko and Momoyo, and written as if conveying a command from their mother for my mother and me to come together.
　
　"A man was just sitting in the room, wasn't he?
　"There's Mr. Takagi! He's Akiko's brother. You know who I mean, don't you?"
"To tell the truth, I knew almost nothing about this man, Takagi. I had only heard once from Momoyo that he was looking for a suitable spouse. I remember that at that time, Momoyo looked at my face as if seeking advice, asking, 'What do you think about my sister (for him)?'"
　

" I suspected that Nature was deliberately placing the two of us side by side in the same room just to compare opposites. ."

　The contrast between our appearances already suggested an unpleasant opposition. Yet, when it came to manner and bearing, I could not help but feel an even greater difference. Though I was surrounded by people deeply familiar to me?my mother, my aunt, and my cousins?it was I, not Takagi, who seemed like a guest from elsewhere. He, on the other hand, conducted himself with such ease and natural grace, without sacrificing any sense of refinement, that it was clear he knew instinctively how to behave among others.

　To me, who has always been uneasy with strangers, it seemed as if this man had been thrown into the world of social interaction the very moment he was born, and had grown up entirely within it. In less than ten minutes, he had taken over the whole conversation from me and gathered everyone’s attention to himself. Yet, to keep me from being left out, he occasionally offered me a word or two. Unfortunately, the subjects he chose held no interest for me, so I could neither join in the group’s talk nor speak to him alone.

　He called Taguchi’s aunt “Mother” with an easy familiarity, and he addressed Chiyoko in the same manner I did, as “Chiyo-chan,” as though he had been naturally granted the right to use that childhood name. Then he turned to me and said, “When you arrived a little while ago, we were just talking about you and Chiyo-chan.”

　二人のがすでに意地の好くない対照を与えた。しかし様子、対応とかぶりとかになると僕はさらにはなはだしい相違を自覚しない訳に行かなかった。僕の前にいるものは、母とか叔母、従妹とか、皆親しみの深い血属ばかりであるのに、それらに取りまかれている僕が、この高木に比べると、かえってどこからか客にでも来たように見えたくらい、彼は自由に遠慮なく、しかもある程度の品格を落す危険なしに己を取扱かう述を心得ていたのである。知らない人を怖れる僕に云わせると、この男は生れるや否や交際場裏に棄てられて、そのまま今日まで同じ所で人と成ったのだと評したかった。彼は十分と経たないうちに、すべての会話を僕の手から奪った。そうしてそれをことごとく一身に集めてしまった。その代り僕を除け者にしないための注意を払って、時々僕に一句か二句の言葉を与えた。それがまたあいにく僕には興味の乗らない話題ばかりなので、僕はみんなを相手にする事もできず、高木一人を相手にする訳にも行かなかった。彼は田口の叔母を親しげに御母さん御母さんと呼んだ。千代子に対しては、僕と同じように、千代ちゃんという幼馴染みに用いる名を、自然に命ぜられたかのごとく使った。そうして僕に、先ほど御着になった時は、ちょうど千代ちゃんとあなたのお噂をしていたところでしたと云った。

　
　

"As if suddenly remembering something, Chiyoko stopped and said, 'Oh, I forgot to invite Mr. Takagi!'"
" 'Come on, we're already here,' said Momoyo."
" 'But he asked me to invite him just a minute ago!' said Chiyoko."
"It's not too late yet. If you want to go and invite him, then go ahead. I'll go on ahead and wait for you."

　"My mother, who was used to quiet meals, was indeed wearing a cheerful expression amidst all this liveliness, just as my uncle had said. Despite her shyness, my mother actually liked these kinds of lively gatherings. At that moment, she happened to be eating a piece of lightly salted grilled small horse mackerel, and she repeatedly praised it, calling it delicious."

"If you ask the fishermen, they'll prepare and bring you as much as you like. Why don't you take some with you when you leave? I've been wanting to give some to you because your sister likes it, but I just haven't had the chance, and besides, it spoils quickly, you see."
I once had some specially prepared in Oiso and went to the trouble of taking it all the way back to Tokyo, but you really have to be careful." "Spoiling?" Chiyoko asked.
" 'Aunt, don't you like Okitsu-dai (Okitsu sea bream)? I think Okitsu-dai is much better than this,' said Momoyo." " 'The Okitsu-dai is nice in its own way,' my mother replied gently."
"In terms of my tastes and character, I possess both qualities that closely resemble my mother's and those that are entirely different. This is a secret I haven't told anyone yet, but actually, purely for my own self-understanding, I have, over the past few years, secretly conducted detailed research into how and where my mother and I differ, and how we are alike."
「僕は自分の嗜好や性質の上において、母に大変よく似たところと、全く違ったところと両方有っている。これはまだ誰にも話さない秘密だが、実は単に自分の心得として、過去幾年かの間、僕は母と自分とどこがどう違って、どこがどう似ているかの詳しい研究を人知れず重ねたのである。」
"I would have been very happy if I possessed flaws in common with my mother. Conversely, I found it deeply unpleasant to have strengths that she did not possess, and that only I had. Among these things, what concerned me most was that my face resembled only my father and had features?eyes, nose, and mouth?that bore absolutely no connection to my mother's. Even now, every time I look in the mirror, I think to myself that I wouldn't mind being less handsome if only I had inherited more of her features; I would feel so much better, feeling more like her child."
――欠点でも母と共にそなえているなら僕は大変嬉うれしかった。長所でも母になくって僕だけ有もっているとはなはだ不愉快になった。そのうちで僕の最も気になるのは、僕の顔が父にだけ似て、母とはまるで縁のない眼鼻立にでき上っている事であった。僕は今でも鏡を見るたびに、器量が落ちても構わないから、もっと母の人相を多量に受け継ついでおいたら、母の子らしくってさぞ心持が好いだろうと思う。
The next day, when I woke up, Goichi, who had been sleeping next to me, was already nowhere to be seen. Placing my under-rested head on the pillow, I followed a path that was neither dream nor thought, and occasionally gazed at my uncle’s sleeping face with the kind of curiosity one feels when secretly observing a different species of human.
As they finished their meal, a mist-like rain began to fall.Even so, since there was no wind, the sea appeared calmer than usual.
Because of the unfortunate weather, their kind-hearted mother felt sorry for everyone.Their aunt warned that it would soon turn into a steady downpour, suggesting that they should stay home for the day.However, all the young ones insisted on going nevertheless.
Goichi, just for the fun of it, would ask almost everyone he saw, "Where is the house of the man who came as an adopted son from the south, but is originally from the west?" and each time, he made everyone laugh. Finally, when he posed the same question to the old woman at a dirty teahouse, where a young woman with a gekkin (moon lute), wearing a woven hat (amigasa) and white gauntlets (tekko) and leggings (kyahan) was resting, the old woman, surprisingly, answered readily, "It's right there." Everyone clapped their hands and laughed again. It was a small thatched house located on a slight elevation, which was reached by climbing a stone staircase divided into three sections leading up the hillside from the street.
It was about an hour later that everyone assembled and went down to the beach to board the boat.

　The six of them scrambled into the boat without any order, climbing over the gunwale. By chance, Chiyoko and I were pushed by those behind us and ended up sitting facing each other, knee to knee, in the partitioned area at the bow. Uncle was the first to enter, settling himself cross-legged like the head of the family in the main, wide section?what you might call the "mid-body" of the boat. Treating Takagi as the guest of the day, he invited him, "Please, come here," so Takagi, having no choice, took a seat beside Uncle. Momoyoko and Goichi entered the next partitioned space, what you might call the compartment after the main one, together with the boatman.

　I assert that the satisfaction I feel toward my conscience, when compared to the pleasure of forcibly embracing a woman who does not desire me, is immeasurable when I allow the object of my affection to run free in the field of liberty, and then sadly gaze upon the scar of my own lost love, embracing that more manly feeling.

　I said this to Chiyoko:
　"Chiyo-chan, why don't you go over there? It looks wider and more comfortable on that side."
　"Why? Am I in the way if I stay here?
　As the boat left the shore, he spoke with Uncle, saying things like,
　"The weather is clearing up nicely. This is actually better than a scorching hot day. It's the perfect weather for a boat trip."
　Takagi spoke with Uncle, saying things like that.

　
　

Suddenly, Uncle called out in a loud voice and asked, "Boatman, what exactly are we going to catch?"
　The boatman, who had a close-cropped head, replied that they were going to catch octopuses.
　　The most probable interpretation, based on the context of the boatman mentioning catching octopuses, is a reply to the Uncle,indicating that the octopuses are visible.
　　"I see the octopuses,"
　　"I can't see them."
"Chiyo-chan, have you ever seen an octopus swimming? Come and take a look for a moment, it's really quite strange
," Takagi said, inviting Chiyoko. However, when he saw my face sitting nearby, he added, "Sunaga-san, how about you? The octopuses are swimming."
I merely replied, "Is that so? That sounds interesting,
" and made no immediate move to leave my seat. Chiyoko asked, "Which one?" and went over to Takagi, taking a new seat beside him.
　

I returned to Tokyo alone that evening. My mother, having been persuaded by everyone to stay, agreed to remain in Kamakura for a few more days under the condition that Goichi or someone else would escort her when she left. I found her too leisurely and felt impatient with her, judging her easy compliance with their invitation against the sharp, strained state of my own nerves.
　In these two days, I nearly fell for a woman I had no intention of marrying. I declare that if Chiyoko, Takagi, and I were to be caught up together in a whirlwind of love, affection, or human feeling, the force that would move me would not be the competitive desire to triumph over Takagi.　

　I was startled at the very moment my own feelings began to turn into a novel, and that is why I returned to Tokyo.

　　Scenes like drama, act after act, were painted before my eyes.
　　I lost the chance to taste and try any of them, And yet, for my own sake, I rejoiced.
　　People will mock me, saying I seem like an old man.
　　If he is old who does not navigate the world by poetry alone, Then I am content to be mocked.
　　But if he is old who is dry, utterly drained of poetry, Then I will not accept this judgment.
　　I am struggling, always, in search of the poem.

　

I simpl　simply loved the calm　gentle atmosphere that emanated from her.
　I worried I'd feel more restless after returning to Tokyo than I had in stimulating Kamakura. But the opposite happened.I easily regained the calmness and composure I was hoping for. I enjoyed a quiet life, hanging a new mosquito net and listening to the wind chimes.Since my mother was away, the maid, Saku, took care of everything. When I had my first meal at home after coming back from Kamakura, seeing Saku serving me made me strongly aware of the difference between her and my sisters in Kamakura.
　Saku was not a beautiful woman. However, when she appeared before me, she looked very humble, reserved, and pitiably feminine. She sat quietly, seeming to believe that for a maid, even thinking about love was too much.
　Unusually, I spoke kindly to Saku and asked her age. She answered that she was nineteen.

　Since my mother was not there, all the chores were taken care of by a maid named Saku. When I sat down for my first meal at home after returning from Kamakura, and saw Saku kneeling respectfully before me with a black, round tray on her lap to serve me, I felt, as if for the first time, the difference between her and my sisters in Kamakura.

　This novel depicts the egoism and inner conflict of modern intellectuals in the late Meiji era. Specifically, it deeply portrays the struggle of the modern individual, who is torn between love and social conventions and unable to take action, through the contrast between "Sunaga, the introspective man who overthinks," and "Chiyoko, the woman who acts purely on emotion."And then, amidst Sunaga's inner conflict, a maid named Saku appears.

　　The work "Gedanke" by the Russian writer Leonid Andreyev is a short story that was published in its Japanese translation by Ueda Bin under the title "Kokoro."The protagonist is a nervous and highly self-conscious doctor. He harbors a passionate feeling for a certain woman and proposes marriage to her.However, the woman responded to his proposal with a cruel and fathomless "peal of laughter" and rejected it.The doctor was deeply hurt by this rejection and laughter, and his inner world began to collapse. He gradually lost the ability to distinguish between reality and fantasy, and became mentally ill.The protagonist's fate is tragic, leading to madness and despair, caused by his excessive self-consciousness and isolation from reality. The story concludes with a powerful depiction of human loneliness, the futility of love, and the nihilism of existence.

　

The term "Gedanke" (thought) and the theme it symbolizes?the "anguish of the intellectual confined to a world of ideas"?is carried through from Sorekara (And Then) to Higan Sugimade (To the Spring Equinox and Beyond) and across the entire later trilogy.

Title Protagonist (or Central Figure) Main Theme Key Features
1. Higan Sugimade (To the Spring Equinox and Beyond) Keitaro Tagawa, Ichizo Sunaga Discrepancy between introspection and action. The struggles of an excessively self-conscious modern intellectual. A structure composed of several short story-like episodes. Depicts egoism through the love life of the protagonist's friend, Sunaga.
2. KMjin (The Wayfarer) Jiro (Narrator), Ichiro (Older Brother) Mental illness and loneliness. An older brother who cannot love his wife, and a younger brother who tries to understand his suffering. Portrays the fundamental loneliness of humanity through the figure of an intellectual suffering from the split between ideal and reality, nearing the brink of madness.
3. Kokoro (Heart) "I" (Narrator), "Sensei" (Teacher/Mentor) Egoism and guilt. The confession of "Sensei," who betrayed his closest friend and was tormented by that sin. Divided into three parts: "Sensei and I," "My Parents and I," and "Sensei's Testament." The most widely read work, which brought the theme of "egoism and death" to completion.

　　Soseki also has the earlier trilogy (Sanshiro, Sorekara, and Mon) that was written before this.

Category Title of Work Main Tone and Theme Background and Key Characteristics
Earlier Trilogy Sanshiro (1908) Sorekara (And Then) (1909) Mon (The Gate) (1910) A relatively brighter tone, depicting the confusion of youth and the moral dilemmas in society and romance. Primarily portrays the shifting emotions of young people in the mid-Meiji era and the budding of egoism within a secular, everyday life.
Later Trilogy Higan Sugimade (To the Spring Equinox and Beyond) (1912) KMjin (The Wayfarer) (1912-1913) Kokoro (Heart) (1914) A darker, introspective tone, delving deeply into themes like the dark shadows in the human heart, egoism, and modern loneliness. Works written after the "Great Illness at Shuzenji" (1910, an incident where Soseki became critically ill), focusing on a pursuit of views on life and death and spiritual pathology, with deeper interior descriptions at the core.

　　I know it sounds weird to say the maid, Saku, comforted me. But I really think the simple, calm femininity she showed me　helped quiet down my overthinking and anxious mind.　
　The quiet side of womanhood I saw in Saku at that time must have been what calmed my head, which was getting anxious just from my own imagination.
　I don't really need to mention Saku so much, but I talked about her actions then simply because I remembered them　from　our　pastconnection.　
　I accidentally discovered a strange book behind the shelf, which I had borrowed from a friend a long time ago and simply forgotten to return.
　Driven by a sudden curiosity whose origin I couldn't trace, I immediately opened the book to the first page and began to read. 　　　　　Terrible things were written inside.

　　The story is a suspenseful account of a man who, fueled by spite after the woman he desired married his rival, plots to murder the new husband in the presence of his wife, all while feigning madness.

　A certain man who had his heart set on a certain woman, not only was rejected by her but also harbored resentment because she married someone he knew. Driven by this, he planned to murder the newlywed husband. However, he didn't just want to kill him. It wouldn't be satisfying unless he killed him right in front of the wife. Furthermore, it wouldn't be enough unless the murder was executed in a complicated manner where the observing wife, despite knowing he was the murderer, had to simply stand there, sucking her finger, completely unable to do anything else. (I have a similar example, but in my case, the wife has already been murdered by that man.)He devised a particular method as a means to achieve his goal. Taking advantage of an opportunity when he was invited to a certain dinner party, he suddenly began to feign being overcome by a violent fit. After performing acts on the spot that seemed exactly like those of a madman to onlookers, he confirmed that every person present believed him to be completely insane, and silently congratulated the success of his scheme. After repeating the same performance two or three more times in easily observed social settings, he successfully earned a widespread reputation as a dangerous person whose mind was at risk of succumbing to madness due to his fits.
　He intended to build up a crime of murder that couldn't be traced, based on this carefully orchestrated preparation.
　As his frequent fits began to cast a dark shadow over his brilliant social life, the doors of all those with whom he had previously maintained friendly relations suddenly started to close against him. However, this was not something he worried about.He still had one house where he could freely come and go. That house was none other than the home of his friend and the friend's wife, the very people he was about to plunge into the realm of death.
　One day, he knocked on his friend's residence with a casual air. There, pretending to pass the time with small talk, he secretly watched for an opportunity to leap upon the person right in front of him. He picked up a heavy paperweight that was on the desk and suddenly asked if one could kill a person with it. Naturally, his friend did not take his question seriously. Without caring, he put all his strength into the paperweight and murdered the wife's most beloved husband right in front of her eyes.He was then sent to the asylum under the name of a madman.
　He desperately tries to explain why he is definitely not insane, using surprising powers of reason, judgment, and deduction, all based on the sequence of events mentioned above. Then again, he doubts his own defense. Furthermore, he tries to explain away that doubt. Ultimately, is he sane or is he mad?・・・・・・A chill ran through me as I held the book, and I was overcome with dread.

　

　
My mind was built to keep my heart in check.
When I look back upon a past without any grievous regrets,
I feel this must be the natural state of mankind.
Yet each time my heart begins to stir with warmth,
the stern power of my reason bears down upon it?
a pain so familiar to all who have ever tried to live rightly.
Being of a rather reserved, inwardly irritable nature,
I have seldom suffered that abrupt arrest of feeling?
like a car forced to a sudden stop in full speed by the brake of reason.
Even so, there were moments when I felt within me
a burning energy, as though the very axis of my life were being bent against its will.
Whenever these two forces clashed,
I would wonder: is my head strong, or is my heart weak?
Yet I could never escape the dreadful sense
that this struggle, though part of life itself,
was silently wearing away my soul.

　　Compared to my usual self, I was greatly envious of the protagonist of the Gedanke (thought/idea) who could act so wholeheartedly and without such consideration. At the same time, I was terrified?so much so that sweat dripped from me. I thought how exhilarating it would be if I could do it.

　

Observing the clock in the living room, I saw it was already past noon, so I took that as a good opportunity to sit down there and have my meal. As usual, Saku served me. I silently took two or three mouthfuls of rice, but suddenly I asked her,
"Hey, Saku, how does my face look?" Saku widened her eyes in surprise and replied,
"No, it looks fine."
When the conversation stopped there, Saku then asked,
"Have you been overworking yourself?"
"No, not particularly."
"It’s suddenly gotten very hot, hasn't it?"
I remained silent and finished two bowls of rice. When I had the tea poured and started to drink it, I again suddenly said to Saku, "Rather than going to Kamakura and dealing with the crowds, it's quieter and better to stay home, isn't it?" Saku replied, "But it must be cooler there, mustn't it?" I explained to her, "No, on the contrary, it's probably even hotter than Tokyo. Being in a place like that just makes me irritable and it's no good."
　　Observing Saku sitting before me, I felt she was like a morning glory drawn with a single brushstroke (hitofudegaki no asagao). Although it was a pity she was not painted by the hand of a master, I couldn't perceive her internal self as anything other than as simply constructed as that type of picture. You might ask what is the point of comparing Saku's character to a painting. There may be no deep meaning, but in truth, while being served by her and eating my meal, I compared myself?who had just been reading about Gedanke?to her, who was now respectfully sitting there with the black lacquered tray, and was dumbfounded as to why my own inner self was so complex, like a stubborn oil painting. To confess, as proof of my higher education, I had prided myself until this very day on my mind working more complexly than others'. Yet, I had somehow grown weary of that functioning. I felt pitiful wondering what kind of karma dictated that I had to dissect everything so minutely just to get through life. Placing my teacup on the tray, I looked at Saku's face and was struck by a sense of reverence.
　"Do you ever think about various things, Saku?"
　"For someone like me, there is nothing in particular to think about, sir."
　"You don't think much, do you? That's good. Having nothing to think about is the best thing."
　"Even if I did have things, I don't have the wisdom to do it, so I can't put my thoughts in order. I'm completely useless, sir."
　"You are fortunate."
　I said this unintentionally, which surprised Saku. Saku must have thought I was suddenly making fun of her. I felt bad for having done that.


One evening, my mother suddenly returned unexpectedly from Kamakura. I had just taken a rattan armchair and a chair out onto the upstairs veranda, where the last light of the day lingered, and was listening to Saku sprinkling water in the garden barefoot. When I went downstairs and stepped into the entrance hall, I was greatly astonished to see Chiyoko following right behind her, stepping up from the dirt floor, instead of Goichi, who should have been the one to bring Mother home. I had not been thinking of Chiyoko at all while on the rattan chair. Even if I had thought of her, I could not have separated her from Takagi. And I had been confident that the two of them would not be able to leave the stage of Kamakura for some time. Before exchanging greetings and looking into the face of my mother, who seemed slightly tanned and darker, I wanted to ask Chiyoko how she had come. In fact, those were the very words I used first.
"She came to bring your aunt home. Why? Are you surprised?"
"I'm going to stay the night."
"Where?"
"Well, I could go to Uchisaich, but it's too big and lonely there. ? Maybe I'll stay here for the first time in ages, what do you say, Aunt?"
"Then, since I was invited too, you should have just had her bring me home," I said.
"That's why you should have listened to what people said and stayed longer," she retorted.
"No, I mean back then. When I came home."
"If I had, it would have been just like a nurse. Alright, I'll even be a nurse, I'd have come with you. Why didn't you say so?""Because I thought you'd refuse even if I did."
"It was me who was more likely to be refused, wasn't it, Aunt? After accepting the rare invitation and coming, he just keeps making such a difficult face. You really are a little bit ill."
"That's why you wanted Chiyoko to come with you, I suppose," Mother said, laughing.
　I had to compare Saku, who accepted her fate as a humble servant in a society where the strict class system still exists, with Chiyoko, who had the pride of a true lady.
　Chiyoko paid no attention to Saku, just as she would any other woman who might have been there. Saku, on the other hand, stood up, went to the staircase, and just before starting to descend, she invariably turned back to look at Chiyoko's retreating figure. I recalled the two days I had spent in Kamakura with Takagi by my side and felt sorry as I watched Saku, who had declared she had nothing to think about because she lacked material, being given the modern and toxic material that was Chiyoko.
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　
　Chiyoko's manner was as open and unguarded as usual. She spoke easily on any subject that came up. Ultimately, this could only be taken as proof that she was not thinking deeply about anything. She said that since going to Kamakura, she had started teaching herself to swim and now enjoyed going to where her feet couldn't touch the bottom. She added that she found it amusing when the cautious Momoyo would get worried and try to stop her with a mournful, apologetic voice.
　　At that moment, her mother said with a face that was half worried and half exasperated, "What are you doing, a girl behaving so carelessly? For goodness' sake, for your aunt's sake, please stop that dangerous nonsense from now on."
　　"And I asked if Ichi-san also disliked such tomboyish behavior," ｓhe said.
　I simply said, "I just don't like it very much," and gazed out at the street where the moonlight fell everywhere.
　"But Takagi must like it," he must have added right after.

　I detected a strong deliberate intention. It felt like a dark ink spot on white paper. Having believed Chiyoko was the purest woman until she went to Kamakura, I first began to suspect her artifice during those two days, and that suspicion was now finally settling in my heart.


　　　Her not uttering Takagi's name was entirely due to her goodwill toward me. She purposely held back from that out of kindness, thinking not to make me feel bad.　　　　　　　　　　Her not uttering Takagi's name was entirely due to her goodwill toward me. She purposely held back from that out of kindness, thinking not to make me feel bad.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Her not uttering Takagi's name was entirely due to her goodwill toward me. She purposely held back from that out of kindness, thinking not to make me feel bad.

　

I analyzed the word "technique" (or "art/skill") in detail.

Is she planning to use Takagi as a decoy to lure me?

Is she planning to bait me just to temporarily stimulate my affection for her and enjoy it, even though there's no ultimate goal in 'catching' me?

Or is she suggesting I should become like Takagi in some way? That she would be willing to love me if I did?

Or did she find it amusing to watch Takagi and me fight?

Or is she putting Takagi right in front of my eyes to tell me that someone like him exists, so I should quickly give up on her?

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Sleepless night,

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　I regret the self that is losing.　
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　The mosquito net hung, the lamp extinguished.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　The darkness filling the room,

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Without a gap, oppressively heavy, almost suffocating.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　I can no longer endure the pain

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Of straining my eyes in the unseen,

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Working my mind alone.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　I, who had endured, suppressing even a turn in bed,

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Suddenly rose and lit up the room.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Then, out to the veranda.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　I slid open the storm door, just a narrow slit.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Beneath the tilting moon,

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　No wind stirred.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　I only received, upon my skin and throat,

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　The comparatively cool air,


　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　That was all.

　　　

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　As I gazed at the gleam of the geese in the glassy glaze,
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　I dreamed of the gentle grace of Saku’s hand,
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　that stilled the smoke and swept the ashes away.

Why do you dwell so much on Takagi-san?
You're a coward.
Why?
If you don't understand that, you're an idiot!
For an energetic person like Chiyo, a reserved person like me is probably seen as cowardly, of course. I am an extremely conventional man, who lacks the courage to immediately speak my mind or show it in my actions. If that is your reason for calling me a coward, then I suppose it can't be helped.
Stop hiding behind that.
But you look down on me!
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
You think I'm an uneducated woman who has no logic and is completely insignificant, and you're laughing at me deep down.
　　
"You are a coward, morally a coward. You already suspect the very intentions with which I invited you and my aunt to Kamakura. That is cowardly in itself. But that's not the main issue. Having accepted someone's invitation, why can't you be cheerful as you usually are? I've been humiliated just by inviting you. By insulting the guests in my house, you have ended up insulting me as well."
　"I have no recollection of giving offense."
"Yes、 you have. I don't care about the words or the actions. Your attitude is what's giving the insult. Even if your attitude isn't giving it, your heart is."
"I am not obliged to take such detailed criticism."
"A man can offer such pathetic greetings because he is a coward. Mr. Takagi, being a gentleman, has plenty of magnanimity to accept you, yet you can never accept Mr. Takagi. That is because you are a coward."

"I don't know what became of Ichizo and Chiyoko. Nothing much probably. At least from an outsider's point of view, their relationship seems to have remained entirely unchanged from the past up to the present day. If one were to ask the two of them, they would likely say various things, but I believe it would be correct to assume that they would speak plausible lies that contradict the past and future, constrained by the mood of the moment, as if they held eternal value. I believe this to be true."

"As for that incident, I was told about it at the time. What's more, I was told by both sides. It was neither a misunderstanding nor anything else. Both sides believe it to be true, and since the way they believe is justifiable for both, it must be called an extremely natural conflict. Therefore, whether they were to become husband and wife or live together as friends, that conflict was utterly unavoidable; it could only be seen as a kind of innate fate or karma for the two of them. Unfortunately, they are in a certain sense tightly drawn together. Moreover, the terrifying thing is that this very pull is governed by a power of destiny over which an outsider has no authority. To use a polished epigram, they form a pitiful pair, seeming to meet in order to separate, and to separate in order to meet.

　松本の話

　
The passage depicts the scenes where the narrator ("Boku") discusses the marriage issue of his nephew, Ichizo, first with Ichizo's mother (the narrator's older sister), and then with Ichizo himself.The excerpt captures the tense interactions between the uncle and nephew over a proposed marriage, highlighting the conflict between parental expectations and the individual's desires, and vividly portraying ShizM's subtle emotional fragility and feelings of isolation."

"A few months before Ichizo's graduation, I had a long consultation with my older sister (Ichizo's mother) about Ichizo's marriage.

My sister had a firm intention to have the Taguchi family's eldest daughter as Ichizo's bride.

I tried to persuade her, arguing that the freedom of the individual should be respected in marriage, but my sister's will was stubborn.

Ultimately, I accepted my sister's earnest request and agreed to summon Ichizo to speak with him."

"What this signifies is that Matsumoto merely regarded the photo as a substitute for the actual object, viewing it simply as a photograph. Had the photo been supplemented with the real person's standing, status, education, and disposition?thereby giving life to the portrait on the paper?he might even have dismissed the face he found appealing. This is the fundamental difference between IchizM and Matsumoto."
つまり僕はあくまでも写真を実物の代表としてながめ、彼は写真をただの写真として眺めていたのである。もし写真の背後に、本当の位置や身分や教育や性情がつけ加わって、紙の上の肖像を活かしにかかったなら、彼はかえって気に入ったその顔まで併せてせて打ち棄ててしまったかも知れない。これが市蔵の僕と根本的に違うところである。
　
"This clearly illustrates the theme of 'The Prison of the Self.'"

"The man named Ichizo has a personality that causes him to close off his heart inward every time he interacts with someone.Consequently, once he receives some kind of stimulus, it circles continuously in his mind, gradually sinking deeper and deeper into his heart. Moreover, this movement is endless; he keeps thinking about the same things over and over again, thereby tormenting himself."
　"The man named Ichizo has a personality that causes him to close off his heart inward every time he interacts with someone.Consequently, once he receives some kind of stimulus, it circles continuously in his mind, gradually sinking deeper and deeper into his heart. Moreover, this movement is endless; he keeps thinking about the same things over and over again, thereby tormenting himself."
"Eventually, he comes to strongly wish, 'I desperately want to escape this inner torment.'However, that suffering binds him like a curse, making escape impossible.In time, he begins to harbor a fear that 'I will collapse someday if things continue this way. And what's more, I will collapse alone, with no one to help me.'In this way, both his mind and body become exhausted, as if driven to the point of madness.
This is the fundamental and great misfortune of the man named Ichizo."
"To change this misfortune into happiness, the only option is to reverse the direction of his heart from 'inward' to 'outward.'In other words, instead of trying to internalize everything, he must turn his attention to the external world and gaze at things outside himself with his heart.Furthermore, he must find just one thing in the world?a 'great thing,' a 'beautiful thing,' or a 'gentle thing'?that powerfully attracts his spirit.In short, he must become more 'fickle' (uwaki). The term 'fickle' here means to enjoy things with a lighthearted spirit."