『身代わり』　Every day, I lived with my mother, Sawako Ariyoshi.
AriyoshiTamao
・The house in which Tamao grew up is now the Sawako Ariyoshi Memorial Museum in Wakayama City.
・My mother's house has ready-made roof tiles because they are special.
・From the parlour, I had sight of the house next door with it's inari and sacred tree.
・In spring, in the garden of my mother's house, when I stepped out of the parlour, I could see the lawn cherry trees in full bloom.
After the move to Wakayama, the lounge has been given a view of the cherry blossoms blooming in the park.
・Our garden is planted differently for every novel my mother writes.
・When my mother wrote Compound Pollution, it was grown without pesticides, including nasturtiums, cucumbers, tomatoes and lettuce.
・Tamao grew morning glories in her first year of primary school and planted loofahs in her third year.
　　

When Tamao had some questions for Sawako, she answered...”Decade ago.”
�T〇リンゴの子
・According to my mother's records, she went into labour five minutes apart, started at 2am, went into the delivery room at 9am
and had me at 10pm.
・Before she delivered me, my mother had eaten an apple.
〇おかあさんは小説家
・My mother is a novelist.
・My mother went to Hawaii, USA, for an interview when I was two years old,
・When I was five, my mother travelled to Cambodia, Indonesia and the island of New Guinea for three months.
・Mother had contracted malaria in New Guinea and had been hospitalised for two months after returning to the country.
・In the autumn of my first year of primary school, I had spent six months in Hawaii with my mother.
・As soon as she returned home, Sawako set off on her own for a two-month trip to the USA and Europe.
・When I had a chance encounter with my mother every few months.
"Why don't you have an aunt over too?"When I asked my mother.
・"Then you can be an Auntie's girl."Mother got angry.
・Such is my mother, but she was not angry only with my grandmother.
Because my mother went everywhere, leaving my grandmother to look after me.
・Mothers are birth mothers, grandmothers are foster mothers.
〇教育ママ奮闘記
・I spent time in Hawaii. This was from November 1970 to June 1971. I was with my mother. We also had a helper.
・For my mother to teach “Late Edo Period Theatre Literature” at the University of Hawaii.
・Now that I remember, those seven months were fun.
・Whenever my mother said 'bread', I would reply 'butter', as if it were a mountainous pleasure.
・I once replied to my mother's bread with the words "and butter, cheese, jam and bacon".
・After returning home, my grandmother and mother trained me the multiplication table,
Two times four is eight,,Seven times five is fifty-five,Twelne times eleven is one hundred thirty-two.......
・My mother had visited every class visit、
・My mother had been easier to find because she was taller by a head than the other children's mothers.
・In individual meetings.The teacher warned me to refrain from talking to myself.
・"She's my child, so it's only natural that she's talkative."Sawako has said.
・moreover”Tamao is happy to be scolded by her teacher.”
〇あてどもない反抗の頃
・When I was in the third grade, my mother wrote a book on Alzheimer's disease called "Koukoths-no-hito", which sold well.
・Since then, my mother has been a celebrity.As an addition, my name has been made known.
・When I was in sixth primary school, I had won an entry in an essay competition,
・During my secondary school years, I lost my identity.The reason for this is that my mother was too famous.
・'It bothers me because my mother is a writer'Tamao said.
・'Tamao has been a rebel since birth'Sawako said.
・Then one day my mother and I had been moved by the Takarazuka production of “The Rose of Versailles”.
・After that, Tamao becomes crazy about Takarazuka.
・Tamao became interested in singing and modern dance because of her love for the Ohtoriran.
・'Takihirasho' is Tamao's stage name.,She would have liked to be in the moon group.
〇冬の軽井沢
Tamao Ariyoshi went to Karuizawa with her mother to collect water for good luck.

・The Ariyoshi family has been obsessed with direction for generations.
・This is a “Katatagae” of Japanese customs.
・According to ”Makuranosousi", paragraph 23.
・In the Heian period, noble warriors had a Setsubun ceremony, which took place around the time of the Setsubun Festival.
・To avoid going in an unlucky direction.When the direction of departure is unlucky, e.g.
・We took the long way round and set off in a different direction.
・As noted in The Tale of Genji.
・We have to head for Karuizawa because of that.
・This is a ski resort, so everyone skis.
・Skiing has not been possible because the vocabulary of the word “slide” means to fall.
・I could not ski because I was waiting to take my exams.
・BICYCLE　B-I-C-Y-C-L-E
・Bicycles are a high school entrance exam question.
・I'm not sure if it's I or Y next to B.I looked it up in my dictionary.
�U〇ハイスクール・デイズ
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　
・Fuji High School had no uniform and we could wear whatever clothes we wanted, but my mother wanted me to wear a sailor uniform.

・My mother had graduated from the Fifth Girls' School before the name of the high school was changed to Fuji.
・Sawako wanted her daughter to wear a combination of a navy blue sailor suit and an enyan scarf.
・'I can no longer wear it, so I'm buying it for you. You should be grateful."Sawako had said.
・I had a culture shock on my first day at school
・No time for morning prayers.Teachers call pupils by their family name.No pre-dinner prayer
・'You may have gone to a public high school, but you are still a Kouen girl child'Mother said.
・You are the light of the world and the salt of the earth.(from Matthew 5:13-16, “Salt of the earth, light of the world”)
・I found men interesting in high school.Every time we changed seats in class, my heart skipped a beat.
・The boy sitting next to me had a joke.The boy sitting next to me dozed off.The boy sitting next to me explained physics.
・One day, I met someone who was related to me.

・The young man is fearless as he runs after the ball with sweat pouring down his face.
・Real men are nicer than Takarazuka male actors.
・Nevertheless, it was a bit of a late awakening to the opposite sex.
〇自意識過剰娘の拍子ぬけ
・One day before the summer vacation, a list of pupils was distributed.
・My classmates found out that I was the daughter of Sawako Ariyoshi.
・'What kind of work do she write?'
・I was not a fan of the work of high school student Sawako Ariyoshi, so I decided not to read it.
・I have to regret that high school students only knew my mother's name from words such as “Ki no Kawa” and “ecstatic person”.
・Japanese high school students have been left unaware of her work because of 'don't read, don't let them read' declarations.
・I was saddened and frustrated that her work had not been read, even though “ecstatic people” had become a buzzword.

〇凝ったもの、あれこれ
・Sawako has been hardcore particular about her elaboration.
・When tea mushrooms were booming.She drank it daily.
・However, around the time she became sick of the mushrooms growing in the tea jar, she had a stomach upset.
・When Sawako had a passion for the tea ceremony.
・On 5 May, Children's Day, my mother had an interesting tea party.
・My mother hid a piece of paper with a fairy tale written on it in her room.
・”HachiKatsugi""Momotarou””Shitakirisuzume””Kachikathitama""Sarukanigatsusen""Shiratukihime"
・If my mother was Japanese folklore, I would be Dr Dolittle.
・I imagined the tea party manjuu as a pig's （Gub-Gub, the pig） nose.
・'You've learnt to lay out your tools,' Sawako had sporken.
・Sawako has been physically weak and unable to exercise since childhood.
・She can't do pull-ups and can't move while hanging from the bars.
・By 1975, digital watches were selling for 400,000 yen.At this time, economists had affirmed.
・He used Rickard's word comparative advantage to calculate the fall in watch prices.
・Digital clocks are now sold for 100 yen.
・・・・・・Sawako bought digital watches when they were less expensive.Next, Sawako typed up her novel on a word processor.
She could not master the machine.Not a single piece has been word-processed.
・1980, when Tamao was a second-year high school student.
There was a national high school baseball tournament. It was between Kunitachi High School and Minoshima High School.
A boy of my mother's acquaintance was a player at Minoshima High School.
This triggered Sawako's baseball crazy,Fall in love with the Giants.She had saved a videotape entitled 'The Giants won for the first time!

〇親は親、子は子
・In my second year of high school, I decided to pursue a course of study in science.
・When I found the thermometer my mother used in the storage room.
・My grandmother told me that Sawako had aspired to be “Madame Curie” as a child.
・My mother liked solving mathematical equations, apparently.
・However, my mother went on to study “English Literature”.It was because 'English Literature' was very popular at the time.
・I share my mother's frivolity.
・I wanted a science degree in high school.Science teacher: 'Did my mother ever complain about it?'Science teacher: '
・'My mother was overjoyed, she had a strong background in science and mathematics.'Tamao replied.
・Perhaps the teacher had read “FukugouOsen” written by my mother.
・'Well, now that you put it that way, yes.'The teacher said.
・The interesting thing about “FukugouOsen” is not the plethora of chemical symbols and formulae.
・The best part of this novel, though, is...
・It is teaching you about life and showing you the meaning of life.
・The colouring of the language is intoxicating to the reader.
・Now we are the most interested, so we go on and on down the page.
・The grey-haired English teacher who also taught my mother now teaches me.
When this teacher came to the school with my mother for PTA."He called me Sawa, but I had never studied with him."
mother said.'Three thousand white hairs.'I'm not happy with the way my mother talks to everyone.
'Sawako was learning Chinese literature, you know.'My grandmother told me.
'I am not over-articulate, I am over-sensitive.'Mother answered.

　　　　　　
・The final year of high school.My mother came to see the cultural festival.
My mother said to us after the play
'You were all very good. But look, if you get an offer from any theatre company, you have to turn it down and go to university."
My mother took photos of everyone. My photos were all in black.

〇受験生の哀しき母親
　　Sawako Ariyoshi rivalled her courage.

〇Tamao's room is on the ground floor. It is directly next to the guest room, living room and dining room.
And from visitors, they now take money to provide food. Entry to the museum is free.
・When I'm studying, I hear my mother's voice in my ears.
'Tamao is studying. Quiet."
My grandmother always has earphones on and watches TV.My mother suddenly opened the door.
'I bought you spaghetti for your evening meal.'
Sleepiness after finishing spaghetti.My top eyelid and my bottom eyelid are going to overlap.
'Go for a run for a change.'
・・・・・・・・・My mother's concern for me.

My grandmother and I slept and woke up in the same room, while my mother occupied everything else.
'I want to sleep alone.'When I tell my mother.
She offered me my mother's study.Mother's study has a bed and desk. Next to it is a storeroom and a toilet.
My mother had to sleep upstairs in the kitchen until the end of my exams.
This time, however, she had been watching me from beginning to end.
As soon as I doze off, my mother “switches off” the lights.
Thanks to her, I had a good night's sleep until morning.
Mum, my please.Talk to me often.Talking about it makes me feel better.Take the exam instead.Open me up.
At a time like this, my mother suggestion me to take the TOEFL exam.
My mother acted in a way that she thought was good for me, but I'm not sure that I agree with her assessment.
Offered evening meal, encouraged to study abroad, fed eels,I experienced my mother's parental heart.
・The university entrance examinations are a problem for me.It is a common primary examination.
I had a cold a week before the Common First Examination.
My mother called out to me when I was unable to move because I had a high fever.
'Taa-chan, would you like to watch the moon with me?'
When I stepped outside the house, it was freezing cold.It was on 10 January.
　　　Unfortunately my temperature did not drop.
My temperature still remains low.I had to keep studying in a daze.
In a sudden flash, my mother was there.
Then my mother put my hand on top of her hand and she cried out.
Your place is be taken by me.
〇新入生の愛すべき母親
When the novel “Koge”, written by Sawako Ariyoshi, was being made into a film by Shochiku, Tamao was trying out
for the entrance exams to Tokyo Women's University and Waseda University.
TAMAO went to see the results announcement. This was at Tokyo Women's University. Her mother had been there earlier.
Sawako thought her daughter had failed in the exam,
When Tamao went to see who had been successful, it was discovered that Tamao had been successful.
Tamao had been hoping to become a scholar after visiting Professor Shigeki Kaizuka with his mother when he was in the second year of junior high school.
Professor Kaizuka, whose brother is Hideki Yukawa, was the first person in Japan to advocate a research method focusing on excavated material,
as typified by ancient Chinese turtle carapaces and gold writing.
Tamao chose Waseda University over Tokyo Women's University under the influence of Kaizuka and his wife.
Tamao went on to study philosophy at Waseda University.

Shigeki Kaizuka

〇期待はずれ
When Tamao graduated from high school, her mother told her to invite her classmates over to her home.
Tamao wanted to enjoy meeting up with her classmates.However, my mother entered our party.And my parlour becomes the venue for her lectures.
Sawako Ariyoshi's lectures are.Talking about the book publishing situation.Recent developments in the publishing industry,Afterwards,
My mother started picking out panellists from among her friends.International political and economic issues were the topics of discussion.
My mother would have felt that she was getting what she wanted, but...I am grumpy.
There is a Japanese proverb: “Eaves lent and the main house was stolen”.

〇コンプレックス
Sawako always says: ‘My daughter keeps telling me she is ashamed that I am a writer.’
Same-sex parents and children are eternal rivals, including the meaning of the Oedipus and Electra complexes.　　
Oedipuscomplexes）This is a concept proposed by Sigmund Freud. It is about a person who is determined to win his mother. He has a strong rivalry with his father.
(Sigmund Freud)
Electra complexes）Jung based his Electra complex theory on Freud's theory of sexual development. Freud was the founder of psychoanalysis and his work had a profound influence on psychology(Carl Gustav Jung).
TAMAO tried to become a thinker by studying philosophy,It wasn't that easy.
What is being?What is God?To me a seemingly unresolvable dead end in a philosophical conundrum or problem.
Enjoy saying that arguments and assumptions of knowledge are a priori independent of any experience.
It is generally amusing to say that the development of some function is not innate but aposteriori, which is acquired through experience and learning
Says on the difference between “a priori” and “aposteriori” in Immanuel Kant.
What is a priori?
Knowledge and cognition that exists independently of experience.Axioms and theorems in mathematics and logic.
What is a posteriori?
Perceptions and knowledge gained from experience.
"You can't understand concepts such as 'it's hot when you put your hand near a fire' or 'it gets wet when you run outside in the rain' unless you experience them for yourself."
Whereas previous philosophies had been based on “how things are”, Kant's emphasis on “how humans perceive” fundamentally challenged the traditional framework.
Its life is also known as the “Konigsberg Clock”,
He woke up at the same time in the morning and always took a walk along the same path at the same time in the afternoon, and an anecdote has even been told that the locals would set their clocks to the same time by watching him walk.
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　（Immanuel Kant）

Tamao decided that philosophy was an academic field that failed Tamao's needs.
She thought philosophy contemplated modern society.She was looking for an idea that was sudden, radical and not foreseen by no one.
The ideas that have sprung out of the particular periods are energetic.Its humanity attracted her.
Ideas for which the answer to a question is fixed from the outset are not metaphysical studies.
Tamao could not seek out an eternal psychology of the spirit.

On a side note. 25 July 1998, Wakayama, four people died.Police had arrested Masumi Hayashi.She had not been told of her motives.I have attended the trial but have not been privy to the motive.Masumi has been on death row in a deemed court case.The police station to have forged the evidence.This is because the arsenic in the death row prisoners' possession and the arsenic in the curry rice are the same,The National Research Institute of Police Science, Nakai, Taniguchi and Hayakawa appraisals have determined this.Some people have disagreed with this method of expert opinion.The trick with the logarithm is pointed out by emeritus professors at Kyoto University.
x=logab、log10[10]=1,log１０(100)＝2≪The report by the National Research Institute of Police Science calculated the logarithm of the concentration of arsenious acid for each composition, multiplying it by one million.≫The reason for this is Professor Kawai≪Without knowledge of the impurity elements （Se,Sn.,Sb,Pb.,Bi）,Prof.Nakai could not even select the beamline of a synchrotron facility.≫The paper to calls it a denunciation of the situation.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　https://doi.org/10.1002/xrs2462 （オープンアクセス）

In 1984, Tamao abandoned her dream of becoming a philosopher. At that time, her mother left for England to give a lecture.My mother looked after me at a language school in a country school in Cambridge.Tamao requested a six-month course starting 29 July 1984.My mother also joined me on the flight from Japan to the UK.My mother's purpose for going to England is because she has a skirt she wants to buy.My mother and I flew on the same plane, but she sat in first class and I sat in economy class.
�V〇我、生きん（ワレ、イキン）I will live

New Year's Day in my childhood had to be spent on 31 December cleaning up and welcoming 1 January by watching NHK's Kohaku Uta Gassen.
No New Year's cards are sent on the morning of the Ariyoshi family's in mourning .
My mother made clear to me the title of my first calligraphy entry.『I will live.』
Up and downs year is ending and a hard year is about to begin.
This year, once again, we face a giant wall and cross a rope that may throw us into a raging sea, and if we miss a step, we will be dropped into a deep valley floor.
There's still a sense of triumph that you've done something.It was not losing a battle that could have been won.
It's hard to push yourself to your limits.Death is almost always waiting behind the pushing of limits.
My mother died many times. She always died after finishing a novel.But after a short break, she moves on to the next battle.
Something was also triggering my mother.
We watched films. It was with my mother.
Should I live for classical ballet or fall in love with it, that is the question.My mother says to me, “All working girls wear red shoes.”"
My mother was teary-eyed, but as a young child I could not understand her mind.My mother's on this occasion is the profile of hers that you see when you pay your first visit to the temple.Living is intense. Living is a struggle against oneself. It was her life's work.Living is intense. Living is a struggle against oneself. It was her life's work.
It was my mother's annual proposition.
〇初盆
Why did Sawako Ariyoshi, a famous Showa-era writer known for her masterpieces Kinokawa and KMkotsu no hito, die at the young age of 53?
I'd like to know why she kept picking heavy social issues as her theme and what she was thinking.
How did she continue to weave her work? What impact did she leave on society after her death?
Sawako Ariyoshi died suddenly at her home in Suginami, Tokyo, on 30 August 1984. She was only 53 years old when she died, which was far too early. The cause of death was announced as 'death from illness (sudden death due to acute heart failure)' following an administrative autopsy conducted by the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Medical Examiner's Office. It is believed that her heart stopped while she was sleeping, and the presence or absence of underlying medical conditions was recorded as 'unknown'.
Sawako Ariyoshi remained active and energetic until shortly before her death. According to her family, she visited London in July 1984 ? around a month before she passed away ? to prepare for her daughter's short-term study abroad programme. She then returned home.
Sawako Ariyoshi had spent the last years of her life struggling with mental and physical illness. Her insomnia was particularly serious, reportedly leading to many sleepless nights and a gradual dependence on sleeping pills and alcohol.
Many of the themes she took up were heavy ones, such as environmental pollution, ageing and social issues, and it is undeniable that her sense of responsibility as a social writer took a toll on her body and mind.
Psychiatrist Takehiko Kasuga and others testified that, in the later years of Sawako Ariyoshi's life, her behaviour and words led people to suspect that she had bipolar disorder (manic depression).
The publishers rejected the unpublished work she had been writing, Hail, Her Majesty the Queen!
In 1984, when Tamao decided to study in the UK, Ariyoshi supported her daughter, personally accompanying her there. According to reports, they hugged each other tightly before parting, and this was the last time the mother and daughter spent time together before the victims death.
〇母子、イギリスへ
The Ariyoshi family took off from Japan, stopped in Anchorage, and touched down at Heathrow Airport in the UK.
My mother gave wasabi to her friends as a present.
When they arrived in England, Mother and daughter headed from Piccadilly Circus to Regent Street, aiming for the Burberry flagship store.
My mother bought a white single-breasted coat, and I bought a double-breasted trench coaｔ.
When we get the coatMy mother said to the shop assistant, ‘Thank you very much. Indeed.’
The two were enjoying life in England, but suddenly my mother said she had to return to Japan.
I tried to stop her, but my mother's resolve remained strong.
“I wanted to go and say goodbye to my daughter at her homestay and tell them that she wouldn't be working as a maid.”
My mother asked me to deliver the novel ‘Kinokawa’ to my homestay family.
〇ケンブリッジ三十日
Students from Italy, Spain, Germany, France, Sweden, Turkey, Ethiopia and other countries come to Cambridge to learn English.
I enjoyed the exciting atmosphere. In Japan, people of the same race live together, with the same hair colour, skin colour and eye colour, but in Cambridge, people of various races are working together towards a common goal.
The Cambridge Centre for Languages is located 20 minutes by car from Cambridge University.
The school has been using Mary Tudor's hideaway.When I think about Protestants, I feel sad for them.
The host family I stayed with was a young couple with children who were three and one years old.
The owner of the house is a railway photographer who also publishes books.I told the couple that my mother was also a writer and given them a copy of her book, “Ki River” as a gift.
As the days passed, my tensionsbegan to ease.However, my English was poor, so I was unable to have detailed conversations with them.
There are many things I want to ask them and tell them, but I have not been able to do so.
Japanese brains are not English brains.Thus, thinking in order to speak English is painful, and my brain is tired of English.
I always have a headache.
Then, a letter arrived from my mother in Japan.It made me think of home.
Like our predecessors, I experienced melancholy.
Even among Japanese people, we are not very good at communicating our thoughts to others, let alone when we are unable to use English fluently.
I am overwhelmed by a tidal wave of English. The end of the day feels very long. I found the summer sky in August, which never seems to get dark, annoying.
I want to converse in Japanese, but I feel like I can't write letters. My mother has been prohibited from making collect calls.
I thought about it and decided to call my grandmother collect.
I achieved success! The voices of my mother and grandmother were heard on the other end of the phone.
When I talk about my experiences in the UK in English, it makes my listeners gloomy, but when I talk about them in Japanese, it becomes a laughing matter.
After enjoying a chat in Japanese, I left the phone box and a classmate from Ottoman Turkey was there and asked me if I wanted to go to the pool.
I said, ‘I'm not going.’
The British answer is yes or no. They don't like to waste time giving answers.In response, the Turkish woman readily agreed.
This summer school can be divided into two groups: those from Asian and African countries who are seriously studying English, and other students who are here for a holiday.And that's where the students fall in love
.I went to the National Gallery by bus with an Italian man.
Having grown up listening to myths, they had a deeper knowledge of paintings than my mere sense of their beauty.
I have never been to a racecourse in Japan, but since coming to the UK I have been to Newmarket Racecourse.
In the UK, this is a social spot for gentlemen and ladies, and also a popular date spot.
Newmarket, home to the racecourse, is located approximately 100 km north-northeast of London, near Cambridge.
The history of horse racing in Newmarket dates back to the early 17th century. The oldest record is of James I watching a race while staying there on 19 March 1619.With the restoration of the monarchy in 1660 and the accession of Charles II, the sport flourished under his reign. The Newmarket Town Plate, contested on a 6,000-metre circuit in 1666, is still held under the same conditions today.
We bought horse race tickets.I had to explain this to the Italian women because they didn't know what 'main bet' and 'long shot' meant.
Then she hit the biggest amount of money to be won in a game of cards or in any competition decided by chance or luck.How unexpected!

Alas, I have had to repeatedly remind myself of the importance of metaphysics.It becomes natural to do so.It becomes natural to do so.
My mom would envy you for that.
When we hold hands and talk about something, and I make a joke, she quickly puts her hand on her cheek and laughs.What I expect from them is this kind of behaviour.
There was vitality in her gestures.And no matter what happens from there, we will be able to work together.

The nave, created by the Normans. The ceiling was painted during the Victorian era.
I have been to Eiri.With such a long history, the charm of this city is immeasurable.
The founder, Athelthryth (636-689), was the daughter of King Anna of East Anglia and was Anglo-Saxon.In 673, she founded a double monastery in Ely, the predecessor to the current cathedral. Both men and women followed the same rules there.The castle was left in ruins following the Norman Conquest of 1066 and the rebellion of Helward the Wake, and repairs began in 1079.It was a daunting undertaking. It spanned 300 years.However, in the 16th century, Henry VIII's Reformation left only the cathedral standing, and the dining hall and lodgings used by the clergy were once again destroyed.Repairs were finally completed in the mid-19th century. The buildings, which had been repeatedly destroyed and repaired over many centuries, became an impressive group of buildings featuring various styles from different periods, such as English Gothic and Romanesque.

The Great Ooze River has long been used for transporting people and goods, and has also been an important river for draining the surrounding area.In prehistory, it flowed straight to the sea.This river was used to transport goods and people between Eely and Cambridge.Nowadays, the journey by train takes about 20 minutes, whereas travelling by boat used to take around six hours.

Ely MarketsAn outdoor market that began in the 11th century.
The biggest attraction is the vintage items and handmade items that can only be seen here. There are various items such as records, furniture, decorations, tableware, etc.

After exploring the UK in this way, my uncle called me as soon as school started.The phone call was about my mother's passing.

I told the teacher to drop me out of school.
Is it expect this?My teacher asked.I said no.and then I showed my homework to the teacher.then the teacher said with a smile, ‘Lucky.’
On the way home, I couldn't understand why my mother's death was lucky.I guess the teacher had probably encouraged me.
The teacher asked if he had expected this, but if I had known when my mother was going to die, I wouldn't have gone to England.
〇二十歳の喪主
When I returned home from the UK,I was surprised by how big the living room was.
The chairs and tables, which had been arranged neatly, were cleared away.my mamma's black altar was set up.and in front of the portrait of the victims was a large cross made of white flowers.
My grandmother told me“I couldn't protect Sawako.”
My mama had three brothers who was surrounded by my younger brother and older brother.
My grandmother had loved a lover my mama in particular.she took care of her mother like a housekeeper.
Sawako was like my grandmother's lover.

My mother's cause of death was acute heart failure.
My mother was still asleep, so my grandmother went to wake her up, but she was unconscious.
In just six seconds, it is said that a person's soul departs their body.but my mother is here.sleeping surrounded by dry ice.
Ancient Egypt had various gods that symbolised different types of natural forces. The ancient Egyptians believed that these gods had the power to influence all natural movements and principles.God has departed My mother's body.
No matter how Christianity or Buddhism comforted the bereaved by preaching the immortality of the soul, my mother would not speak or move.
I haven't been able to talk to my mother since then.
My mother wrote down many things before she died.
She has written numerous novels, including ‘Jiuta, ‘Maiden Prayer, ‘Kino River, ‘Arita River, ‘Hidaka River, ‘The Wife of Hanaoka Seishu, ‘The Beautiful Nun, ‘Two Women in New Guinea, ’Shibazakura, and ‘Yuhigaoka No. 3 Building. Among them, ‘The Blue Pot’ is still a bestseller today.
‘The Blue Jar’ is a story about modern Japanese people who live in Japan with empathy.I want to call it 'Sawako's spirit words'.（Kotodama）
The concept of ‘kotodama’ can also be found in the Manyoshu.
Kakinomoto no Hitomaro.said.
‘Japan will move in a positive direction through the power of words. Therefore, listen to my words and may you all be well.”
I hold the meaning of my mother's novel dear.
However, my mother had been no good to my grandmother.died before her parents
My mother hurt my grandmother's body when she gave birth to me, and even after she died, she hurt my grandmother's heart.

‘It's okay.’said my grandmother.Tamao attacked her mother in her heart.
My grandmother never moves who always mended my mother's emotional wounds.
My grandmother didn't lecture myr mother, who was furious and raging with anger, but instead listened to her words.
My grandmother had cleared her mind of her pent-up feelings.
In Japan, parents do not attend their children's funerals. So the grandmother stayed at home.therefore, I served as the chief mourner at my mother's funeral.

A few days after the funeralUniversity classes have started.
‘Tamao, look like you've just come back from England.’My grandmother said as she sees me off.
I still cannot accept my victim , and even when I meet my friends, I feel something is amiss.
My fake smile made the people around me uncomfortable.I couldn't express my grief over losing my mother to the other person, but they took it as sarcasm.
I still haven't been able to laugh from the bottom of my heart,.So I can't be joke.
Keep a calm mind.
My mother died, so I can't be fine. I'm not normal. But I can't go on like this forever.
My mother passed away suddenly, so I can't keep up with the flow of the world. I feel like I've been left behind here.
My mother's death was confirmed by the address on a piece of mail.Sawako Ariyoshi has been replaced by Tamao Ariyoshi.
I replied to all the letters addressed to me.
I continued to write New Year's cards, summer greetings, and many other letters with great passion.
‘How innocent! encourage letter exchange’my grandmother said.
When　I had been fascinated by letters.
〇祖母のこと
My grandmother is 80 years old.I am 21 years old.
My grandmother has been alive through the Meiji, Taisho, and Showa eras.She is one of many war survivors.
Perhaps it is because she has overcome many hardships.My grandmother is able to endure my mother's death.
Although a grandmother who have four grandchildren, the events of the universe are Sawako's memories.
I get so engaged in my book that I forget to turn off the TV.
‘Sawako disliked it.’She warns me.
When Sawako's friend dies.
She said, ‘I followed Sawako.’
When I try to tidy up my mother's study, my grandmother stops me.
‘I'm the only one who can return this book to its original place.’
‘Sawako had been a scholar, not a critic or newspaper columnist.’she said.
She had been working on novels such as ‘Ki River,’ ‘The Wife of Hanaoka Seishu,’ and ‘The Blue Pot’ for a decade, gathering materials and writing.
Tamao has read Sawako's books. They were published as paperbacks.
Tamao read my mother's work, ‘Maiden Prayer.’ She wrote it when she was 26 years old. After finishing it, Tamao imagined my mother .
‘When I turn 26, will I be able to write novels like my mother?’
My grandmother says.
My mother had entered a contest when she was 20 years old and won.
Considering my mother's writing style, it is comparable to Maki Miyoshi's 1999 work, ‘Why Did the Four Die?’
After a while, my mother received a request from Mr. Toshikura to write an article.
Φ 　　　One day, my grandmother had given me a book.
‘This is well written, so read it.’My grandmother said.
The name of the book is ‘Ki River,’ and my grandmother was the model for the character Fumio.
A story of four generations of women, from mother to daughter to granddaughter.
I don't want to read this work anymore. Because every time I read it, I am left with feelings of inferiority towards my mother.
♪‘Kouge’ is a story about a mother and daughter.
The story of a mother who lives a wild life and her daughter who sacrifices herself for her mother's sake overlaps with my grandmother's story and is very painful.
To add to that, in the final scene of ‘Kouge’ the mother dies.Did my mother predict what was about to happen?It's a painful work for me.
〇曙光　A new day of hope dawned on the land.
My mother will continue to go to a restaurant if she likes the food there.
The Chinese restaurant at Keio Plaza Hotel was also a frequent haunt of Wajima Seki.One day, people from newspapers, publishing companies, and broadcasting stations invited me there.
So everyone had seen me as the ‘son of a writer.’
Come to think of it, I have been with my mother since I was born.I listened to my mother's rhetoric, her habit of repeating words, and the accent of her speech.
My mother's death was reported in newspapers overseas.”She's survived by her daugher”
The writer lives through her child.I don't want to sacrifice my life for my mother.However, I inherited my mother's DNA.
This is how I live, and this is how my mother lives.